So Quoted

In a world where Santa is Scarface

2011-12-23T12:56:00.001-05:00

Nothing exceeds like excess You should know that Rudolph

Because he's evil

2011-12-22T16:18:00.003-05:00

Wherein Ronnie Van Zant's "The Needle and the Spoon"

Alternate quote, almost went with this from Trainspotting

People think it's all about misery and desperation and death and all that shite, which is not to be ignored. But what they forget is the pleasure of it. Otherwise we wouldn't do it. After all, we're not fucking stupid. At least, we're not that fucking stupid. Take the best orgasm you ever had, multiply it by a thousand and you're still nowhere near it. When you're on junk you have only one worry: scoring. When you're off it you are suddenly obliged to worry about all sorts of other shite. Got no money: can't get pissed. Got money: drinking too much. Can't get a bird: no chance of a ride. Got a bird: too much hassle. You have to worry about bills, about food, about some football team that never fucking wins, about human relationships and all the things that really don't matter when you've got a sincere and truthful junk habit.

'Twas the night before a midnight dreary

2011-12-08T18:32:00.003-05:00

Wherein while the idea was interesting the ten minute execution fell short

A slightly inelegant literary mashup

'Twas the night before a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,

Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. `'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door –

While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads; Only this, and nothing more.'

And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap, And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.

Had just settled down for a long winter's nap, Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain

Trilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before; I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash, here I opened wide the door; - Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer, With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be Lenore!

Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning, As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky, Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore –

Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; - 'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

As I drew in my head, and was turning around, Down the chimney the Raven came with a bound

Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door - Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling, His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself

Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!' Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.

And laying his finger aside of his nose, And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee Respite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, `Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!

Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, "Happy Christmas to all, and to all Nevermore."

Edgard Clement Clarke Poe

And that reminds me of this thing I read

2011-10-26T20:00:00.002-04:00

Wherein slightly related one of the older students at The Child's ballet school has such a need to void the contents of her stomach before a performance that puke buckets are placed on each side of the stage

Slate asks Can You Be Scared Enough To Pee Your Pants? Simple answer is yes and Brian Palmer does provide a reason. However, for a more colorful explanation, let me direct you towards Neal Stephenson's Reamde:

No one could look at Peter, who had become a nearly unbearable sight on grounds of posture alone: shoulders drawn together, body trembling, back of neck brilliant red. Sokolov was favorably impressed by the fact that he had not yet shit his pants. Men always made crude jokes about people pissing their pants with fear, but in Sokolov's experience shitting the pants was more common if it was a straighforward matter of extreme emotional distress. Pants pissing was completely unproductive and suggested a total breakdown of elemental control. Pants shitting, on the other hand, voided the bowels and thereby made blood available to the brain and the large muscle groups that otherwise would have gone to the lower-priority activity of digestion. Sokolov could have forgiven Peter for shitting his pants, but if pissed his pants, then it really would have been necessary to get rid of him.

A neatly folder cardboard box is the last refuge of a recyclist

2011-10-16T19:30:00.002-04:00

Wherein Snowclones

Samuel Johnson: patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
Isaac Asimov: Violence is the refuge of the incompetent
Oscar Wilde: Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative
Oscar Wilde: Ambition is the last refuge of the failure
Oscar Wilde: Hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing whatever to do
Oscar Wilde: I adore simple pleasures. They are the last refuge of the complex.
Natalie Clifford Barney: Entrepreneurship is the last refuge of the trouble making individual
Tony Wilson: Jazz is the last refuge of the untalented
Kim Stanley Robinson in Red Mars (1992): Historical analogy is the last refuge of people who can't grasp the current situation
Thomas Sowell: Extrapolations are the last refuge of a groundless argument
Joe Klein: Issues are the last refuge of a scoundrel
The Illustrated magazine of art, Volume 3: We have said that these convents are the the last refuge of Greek art
New Scientist Dec18-25, 19975: Wetlands are the last refuge of that most persecuted creature, urban man
Romantic Europe and the ghost of Italy, Joseph Luzzi: Corinne responds that art is the last refuge of a nation despoiled by foreigners of its arms and government
George Russell: the story of an American composer, Duncan Heining: In some ways, the avant-garde is the last refuge of the untalented

Under news

The Crikey health blog: marathon running is the last refuge of the scoundrel
Mile High Report: But a Hail Mary pass is the last refuge of the desperate for a reason
Sebastian Shakespeare: Twitter is the last refuge of the green-ink brigade
Andrew Scharf: Dr. Johnson once quipped, “Nationalism is the last refuge of the scoundrel”.
DrRck, in the comments: Boxing, though, is not the last refuge of an MMA fighter, any more than MMA is the last refuge of a boxer.
Bruce Jackson (?): "Uncertainty is the last refuge of economists who can’t explain what is going on."
Joe Nocera quoting Paul Kasriel: (“Uncertainty,” Kasriel told me, “is the last refuge of economists who can’t explain what is going on.”)
Lydia Miljan: "I know saying that is the last refuge of the meek."
Adam Gartrell quoting Robert Jeremenko: Harmonisation is the last refuge of scoundrels
Jim Carroll: [box sets and deluxe editions] are the last refuge of the record label scoundrels
Paul Ryan: Fear and demagoguery are the last refuge of an intellectually bankrupt party
Robert Bryce: "Green jobs" are the last refuge of the subsidy seekers.

Zombie target practice

2011-10-08T07:33:00.002-04:00

Wherein found here

A scene from The Wire

2011-10-06T20:09:00.002-04:00

Wherein I've never seen The Wire though I hear it's good

Because Gandalf has spent the last 30 years wandering Middle Earth stoned out of his gourd

2011-09-28T18:58:00.002-04:00

Wherein let me check the Silmarillion for the appropriate synonym for bogart

No yen or Kongbucks!

2011-09-17T08:24:00.003-04:00

Wherein a few examples of the new economy from Neal Stephenson's Snow Crash

Hyperinflation

Y.T. bargaining with the metacops

"Tell you what," the second one says. "You pay us a trillion bucks and
we'll take you to a Hoosegow. Then you can bargain with them."

"Half a trillion," Y.T. says.

"Seven hundred and fifty billion," the MetaCop says. "Final. Shit, you're wearing cuffs, you can't be bargaining with us."

Y.T. unzips a pocket on the thigh of her coverall, pulls out the card with her clean hand, runs it through a slot on the back of the front seat, puts it back in her pocket.

U.S. government office regulations

5) Cash pool donations, as with all monetary transactions within the
U.S. Government, must use official U.S. currency - no yen or Kongbucks!

Naturally, this will lead to a bulk problem if people try to use the donation bucket as a dumping ground for bundles of old billion- and trillion-dollar bills. The Buildings and Grounds people are worried about waste-disposal problems and the potential fire hazard that may ensue iflarge piles of billions and trillions begin to mount up. Therefore, a key feature of the new regulation is that the donation bucket must be emptied every day - more often if an excessive build-up situation is seen to develop.

In this vein, the B & G people would also like me to point out that many of you who have excess U.S. currency to get rid of have been trying to kill two birds with one stone by using old billions as bathroom tissue.

While creative, this approach has two drawbacks:
1) It clogs the plumbing, and
2) It constitutes defacement of U.S. currency, which is a federal crime.

DON'T DO IT.

That's a lot of Meeses

"There's money in the storage compartment in front of you," Ng says.
Y.T. opens the glove compartment, as anyone else would call it, and finds a thick bundle of worn-out, dirty, trillion-dollar bills. Ed Meeses.

"Jeez, couldn't you get any Gippers? This is kind of bulky."

"This is more the kind of thing that a Kourier would pay with."

"Because we're all pond scum, right?"

"No comment."

"What is this, a quadrillion dollars?"

"One-and-a-half quadrillion. Inflation, you know."

Solyndra Green is Obama

2011-09-14T18:06:00.002-04:00

Wherein literally minutes were spent on this flexing all my mad grafx skilz

First sentences by Neal Stephenson

2011-09-11T08:21:00.002-04:00

Wherein it is acknowledged that ranking and or judging books by a single sentence is a wholly stupid enterprise and thus these are arranged chronologically

But the Cobweb sentence would be my favorite.

The Big U, 1984

The Go Big Red Fan was John Wesley Fenrick's, and when ventilating his System it throbbed and crept along the floor with a rhythmic chunka-chunka-chunk.

Zodiac, 1988

Roscommon came and laid waste to the garden an hour after dawn, about the time I usually get out of bed and he usually passes out on the shoulder of some freeway.

Snow Crash, 1992

The Deliverator belongs to an elite order, a hallowed subcategory.

Interface, 1994

William Anthony Cozzano's office was a scandal.

The Diamond Age, 1995

The bells of St. Mark's were ringing changes up on the mountain when Bud skated over to the mod parlor to upgrade his skull gun.

Cobweb, 1996

Clyde Banks was standing in line, in the early stages of hypothermia, when he first saw his future wife, Desiree Dhont, wrestle.

Prologue from Cryptonomicon, 1999

Two tires fly. Two wail.

A bamboo grove, all chopped down

From it, warring songs.

...is the best that Corporal Bobby Shaftoe can do on short notice--he's standing on the running board, gripping his Springfield with one hand and the rearview mirror with the other, so counting the syllables on his fingers is out of the question.

1st chapter from Cryptonomicon, 1999

Let's set the existence-of-God issue aside for a later volume, and just stipulate that in some way, self-replicating organisms came into existence on this planet and immediately began trying to get rid of each other, either by spamming their environments with rough copies of themselves, or by more direct means which hardly need to be belabored.

In the beginning...was the command line, 1999

About twenty years ago Jobs and Wozniak, the founders of Apple, came up with the very strange idea of selling information-processing machines for use in the home.

Quicksilver, 2003

Enoch rounds the corner just as the executioner raises the noose above the woman's head.

The Confusion, 2004

He was not merely awakened, but detonated out of an uncommonly long and repetitive dream.

The System of the World, 2004

"Men half your age and double your weight have been slain on these wastes by Extremity of Cold," said the Earl of LostWithiel, Lord Warden of the Stannaries, and Rider of the Forest and Chase of Dartmoor, to one of his two fellow-travelers.

Anathem, 2008

Do your neighbors burn one another alive?

Reamde, 2011

...to be added September 20, when Amazon delivers it. I read that if you do THE FACEBOOK, excerpts from the first chapter are available at The Neal Stephenson's THE FACEBOOK page. But by not doing THE FACEBOOK this isn't available to me. On THE TWITTER I requested help in accessing the first sentence and received no help. Based on this small, but completely accurate, sample size, I conclude that participating in social media is both annoying and pointless.

Abandonment issues

2011-07-29T20:15:00.002-04:00

Wherein after sacred crows I pretty much ran out of ideas

Abandon your sacred cows
Abandon your scared cows
Abandon your saccharin cows
Abandon your sacred crows
Abandon your sacred dhows
abandon your family *
abandon your long-term investment goals *
abandon your good standards and common sense *
abandon your previous style missteps *
abandon your tea-party colleagues *
abandon your regimen *
abandon your pets *
abandon your goal *
abandon your Ministers and your Synods *
Abandon your apprentice *
abandon your comfort zone *
abandon your poor Eugenia *
Abandon your pomp, your banquets, and your costly entertainments *
abandon your whaling *
abandon your march toward freedom and free markets *
Abandon your claim to any additional water *
abandon your person to his lascivious embraces *
abandon your scheme of marriage *
Abandon your grief *
Abandon ship
Abandon hope all ye who enter here

Amy Winehouse -- 32 months

2011-07-23T21:24:00.004-04:00

Wherein she could sing

Amy's first appearance on Nevermind the Buzzcocks aired on March 8, 2004. She's cute, funny, and personable. American comedian Rich Hall is one of her team mates and makes a few jokes about heroin addicts. Specifically about heroin addicts having nice hair.

Her next appearance aired November 16, 2006. Just 32 months later and Amy Winehouse is a big-haired, tatted up whack job. Thanks Rich.

Never Mind The Buzzcocks S14E10 (Part 1)

Never Mind The Buzzcocks S14E10 (Part 2) /

Never Mind The Buzzcocks S14E10 (Part 3)

Amy Winehouse on Never Mind The Buzzcocks S19E04 ~ Part 1

Amy Winehouse on Never Mind The Buzzcocks S19E04 ~ Part 2

Amy Winehouse on Never Mind The Buzzcocks S19E04 ~ Part 3

Body parts as band names

2011-07-07T21:37:00.001-04:00

Wherein a short list

Heart

Elbow

Big Head Todd

Fishbone

Soft Cell

Lothar and the Hand People

Nine Inch Nails

The Violent Femurs

CoccStyx

Barbara Mandible

Toni Basal ganglia

The Replacement Hips

Iggy Hypophysis

The Nasal Brothers

The Rolling Kidney Stones

Wu Tang Clavicle

Emerson, Lake, and Palm

Gladiolus Knight and the Pips

Hall and Throats

Ulna and Oates

Cochlea Twins

The Ramonspubis

Vas Deferens Halen

Hashtagging twitter

2011-06-17T20:48:00.001-04:00

Wherein he was a very busy director

Combining the popular #describeyourpeniswithamovietitle with #JohnFordmovies:

The Tornado
The Fighting Gringo
The Trail of Hate
The Soul Herder
Straight Shooting
The Secret Man
A Marked Man
Bucking Broadway
The Phantom Riders
The Scarlet Drop
Hell Bent
A Woman's Fool
The Craving
Three Mounted Men
Roped
Rustlers
Gun Law
The Gun Packer
Riders of Vengeance
The Last Outlaw
Ace of the Saddle
Rider of the Law
The Prince of Avenue A
Hitchin' Posts
Just Pals
The Big Punch
The Wallop
Action
Sure Fire
Jackie
Little Miss Smiles
The Village Blacksmith
The Face on the Bar-Room Floor
The Iron Horse
Lightnin'
Kentucky Pride
Thank You
The Shamrock Handicap
Napoleon's Barber
Riley the Cop
Strong Boy
Salute
Men Without Women
The Brat
Airmail
Pilgrimage
Doctor Bull
The Lost Patrol
Judge Priest
The Informer
The Prisoner of Shark Island
The Plough and the Stars
Wee Willie Winkie
The Hurricane
The Adventures of Marco Polo
Four Men and a Prayer
Submarine Patrol
Young Mr. Lincoln
Drums Along the Mohawk
The Grapes of Wrath
The Long Voyage Home
They Were Expendable
The Fugitive
Pinky
She Wore a Yellow Ribbon
When Willie Comes Marching Home
Wagon Master
The Quiet Man
What Price Glory?
Mogambo
The Long Gray Line
Mister Roberts
The Searchers
Gideon's Day
The Last HUrrah
Sergeant Rutledge
The Alamo
The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance
How the West Was Won
Donovan's Reef
Young Cassidy

I fell in to a burning ring of fire

2011-05-08T16:11:00.002-04:00

Wherein a list of small amusement for myself

Film titles that don't have to parodied to sound like disturbing porn

2011-04-30T08:15:00.002-04:00

Wherein idea stolen from here

Three Men and a Baby
Two Mules for Sister Sara
Grease
Jaws
Hannah and Her Sisters
The Accidental Tourist
Alice in Wonderland
All the President's Men
Babe
Babe: Pig in the City
Beauty and the Beast
The Bishop's Wife
The Astronaut's Wife
A Boy and his Dog
Broken Lance
Busy Little Bears
Calamity Jane
City Slickers
Coming Home
City Slickers
Constant Gardner
The Crying Game
Dirty Dancing
The Dirty Dozen
Ed Wood
Educating Peter
The Enemy Below
Fantastic Voyage
The Farmer's Daughter
Father and Daughter
Goldfinger
Grand Canyon
Howards End
In Beaver Valley
Little Women
The More the Merrier
National Velvet
Naughty Marietta
North West Mounted Police
An Officer and a Gentleman
One Hundred Men and a Girl
Papa's Delicate Condition
Scent of a Woman
Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo
Three Little Pigs
Thunderball
Wallace & Gromit in The Wrong Trousers
10 Things I Hate About You
Above the Rim
Boys on the Side
Cabin Boy
The Cable Guy
Chain Reaction
Deep Impact
Honey, I Blew Up the Kid
The Last Boy Scout
Not Without My Daughter
Operation Dumbo Drop
South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Big
The Squid and the Whale
Grizzly Man
Whale Rider
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Herbie: Fully Loaded
An Inconvenient Truth
Live Free or Die Hard
Mean Girls
Mr. 3000

and, finally

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Countdown to Reamde

2011-04-21T21:17:00.001-04:00

Wherein squeal

Countdown To Neal Stephenson's Reamde

Darling Nikki, the librarian

2011-04-01T23:07:00.002-04:00

Wherein putting the fun back into reading is fundamental

Prince's Darling Nikki is a great song, only problem is that it isn't exactly kid friendly.

So I've fixed it.

I knew a girl named nikki
I guess u could say was a bibliofiend
I met her in a hotel lobby
Reading a magazine
She said howd u like 2 waste some time
And I could not resist when I saw little nikki read

She took me 2 her library
And I just couldnt believe my eyes
She had so many books
Everything that money could buy
She said sign your name on the dotted line
The lights went on
And nikki started 2 recite

The bookcart started spinning
Or maybe it was my brain
I can't tell u what she read 2 me
But my mind will never be the same
Her oratory will kick your behind
Oh, she'll show u no mercy
But she'll shonuff shonuff show u how 2 read

Woke up the next morning
Nikki wasn't there
I looked all over and all I found
Was a library card on the stairs
It said thank u 4 a funky time
Check me out whenever u want 2 read

Do you know who else was an outgoing hugger?

2011-03-30T19:20:00.004-04:00

Wherein You see Hitler hugging kids

Two heroes of mine, fighting against tyranny and oppression:

Juliet Lapidos

The word hug is of uncertain origin. In place of a proper etymology the Oxford English Dictionary cautions against confusing it with hugge-a variant of the Middle English ug, meaning to inspire with dread, loathing, or disgust. While I believe in the OED's near-infallibility, I nevertheless find myself drawn to the possibility that hug does, in fact, have some kinship with ug. It seems apt to me. At the prospect of a tight embrace, dread and loathing, if not disgust, do come to mind. So does the sound ug.[...]

Like form letters that mimic the conventions of personal notes, obligatory hugs mock true intimacy. "Dear Janet," aspiring-City Councilman Brad Lander e-mailed me after he won his Democratic primary, "Well, we did it. After two years of incredibly hard work, we won a great victory." Oh, did we? My name's not Janet, but even if it were,
I'd prefer madam. Dear Madam is prim, but honest. A real hug-the hug of consolation, let's say-soothes its target; it says you can count on me, because we're close. See how close we are? We're actually touching! The doorway hug impersonates that message, and corrupts it through casual repetition.

Jonathan Rauch

Extroverts have little or no grasp ~~of introversion~~*. They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome. They cannot imagine why someone would need to be alone; indeed, they often take umbrage at the suggestion. As often as I have tried to explain the matter to extroverts, I have never sensed that any of them really understood. They listen for a moment and then go back to barking and yipping.

*I'm striking out that part because stopping at "no grasp" pretty much covers all of it.

My favorite sentence of the year

2011-03-21T20:56:00.000-04:00

Wherein Dead Poets Society is a very bad movie

Barry Glendenning:

When we're not pretentiously fashioning headlines out of conventionally metered extended metaphor poetry penned by Walt Whitman in 1865, then popularised by a load of barbarically yawping fops in Dead Poets Society 124 years later, the Fiver likes nothing better than to suck leisurely on the end of its V7 Hi-Tecpoint 0.7 Pilot pen, wonder what it is that so obsesses English football players, fans and hacks about the captaincy of their national team, and then sit bolt upright and begin violently coughing and spitting upon realising our mouth is full of ink.

Culinary Bands

2011-03-10T20:12:00.001-05:00

Wherein bands that are actual food like the Black Eyed Peas or the Beatles or la Roux do not count

Pie a la Depeche Mode
Bachman Turnover Overdrive
Bay City Crullers
Durum Durum
The Mountain Goats with Curry
The Pirogies
Red Velvet Cake Underground
The Orange Tang Clan
Cee-Lo Salad Greens
Nori Jones
John Oscar Mayer Bologna
Macaroon 5
The Brian Seltzer Orchestra
Chickpea Corea
Natalie Coleslaw
Britney Asparagus Spears
B.B. King Cake
The Robert Crawfish Boil Band
Mike Doughy
Food Fighters
Almond Brothers

Alternative Wherein I learned in chemistry class that taking one thing and adding something else to it to make another thing is sometimes funny

TC8_EP8-10 Top Chef Performance Chart of Charting Performance™

2011-02-23T07:38:00.004-05:00

Wherein these numbers are an amazing reflection of what has passed and not necessarily of what will be

Since it's been a few weeks since I've posted one of these, I've kept the last three chefs shivved by Padma.

To recap: -4 for packing your knives, -2 bottom of elimination challenge, -1 bottom of quickfire, +1 top of quick fire, +2 top of quickfire, +2 top of elimination, +4 winning elimination

Richard is the most consistent, no major screwups; Dale is a bit schizo, with big highs; Carla is coming up nice and steady; Antonia is stronger than her number; Mike has no traction; and Tiffany can't get in the game.

About Antonia, in two team challenges her team was on the bottom. But going by judge's comments her dishes might have been in the top if it had been an individual challenge. For a What if, if we redo those two scores, instead of -4, she'd have earned a +4. Adjusting her score would now give her 14 points and third place.

Dale 19
Richard 19
Carla 11
Antonia 6
Angelo 5
Mike -1
Tre -1
Fabio -3
Tiffany -7

Running theme of Cryptonomicon

2011-01-20T20:38:00.002-05:00

Wherein obviously

Shaftoe's first haiku (December 1940) was a quick and dirty adaptation of the Marine Creed
In '27 he got shipped off to Shanghai on very short notice, and no doubt had to display some adaptability
The development of an offshoot of the species characterized by densely bearded males is an adaptive response to cold climates
...and so all physical adaptations to it must be placed in the same category
"The bombes were adapted, by Turing and Welchman and others, from a design dreamed up by Polish cryptanalysts"
Out of its handy pouch comes one Mark II fragmentation grenade, a.k.a. pineapple, and with a bit more groping he's got the Grenade Projection Adapter, M1. (Grenade Projection Adapter x3)
"a small mammal...admired and even emulated by Qwghlmians for its hardiness and adaptability."
Inside, a tiny anteroom is dominated by a sculpture: two nymphets in diaphanous veils kicking the crap out of a scurrying hag, entitled Fortitude and Adaptability Driving Out Adversity.
Pekka ended up scoring a pretty nice nineteen-inch high-res multisync monitor perfectly adequate for his adaptable twenty-four-year-old eyes.
Q.E.D. My thing about black stockings was a highly rational adaptation
..., we spent a whole week moving in a world that was perfectly adapted to stockings
But this ROV carries its own power source-an oxygen/natural gas swash-plate motor, adapted from torpedo technology, and part of our peace dividend"
Not only that, he has any number of peculiar ideas adapted from the Bavarian Illuminati, and is groping for some way to tie these in with higher mathematics
Pigs adapt by fighting their way to perimeter of cage & hanging ear/heat exchangers out over the side to flap in the wind of the truck's motion
It is a world, and a situation, to which Shaftoe and a lot of other people are perfectly adapted
"Display some fucking adaptability," Shaftoe says
So I displayed adaptability
They were, in other words, capable of displaying adaptability
Finally he starts to come around, starts to display adaptability
again
--you could adapt those same protocols to card games
He happens to have a twelve-volt adapter for the laptop
That these Jovian info-bolts are visible and moving is a visual cue that his radio adapter has managed to patch itself into the packet radio network
"But Filipinos are highly adaptable."
"So come up with another fucking way! Show some fucking adaptability!"
"I see that you and yours have displayed adaptability and that is good"
"Yes. The whole plan is ruined. Ah well, it was a nice conspiracy while it lasted. Perhaps Enoch Root will display some adaptability."

TC8_EP7 Top Chef Performance Chart of Charting Performance™

2011-01-20T20:26:00.006-05:00

Wherein Chefs I would most like to eat with are Richard Dale and Carla

Watching team Bodega reminded me so much of Blais' menu at Element. Can't tell you how much I miss that place; never had so much fun eating.

Dale T, 16
Richard, 16
Angelo, 8
Carla, 6
Mike, 2
Tre, 4
Antonia, -4
Fabio, -1
Tiffany, -6

reminder: the numbers mean nothing, enjoy the pretty colors

TC8_EP6 Top Chef Performance Chart of Charting Performance™

2011-01-15T09:49:00.005-05:00

Wherein you all know these numbers have no meaning

After episode 6, a slight shifting with the top 3 tightening up and the whole middle mass becoming massier.

Dale T, 12
Richard, 11
Angelo, 11
Carla, 5
Marcel, 4
Mike, 3
Tre, 3
Antonia, -1
Fabio, -2
Tiffany, -3

Now this is where we see that scoring the competition is a mirage -- aside from the whole "one bad dish sends you home" and hypothetical point totals being hypothetical.

Antonia was on the bottom team for the last two elimination challenges, so scored -2 points for each. But listening to the judge's comments, if her solo dishes had been judged separately, she'd might have been in the top. Taking her negative 2s and making them plus 2s gives her 7 points and moves her into 4th place.

EPIC

2011-01-12T20:58:00.002-05:00

Wherein if I recall correctly it would be 2-3 months after this before I saw my first Wallets concert

Quoting the youtube poster:

A legendary performance by The Wallets at First Avenue, wherein Steve Kramer tars and feathers himself to the utter amazement of the audience and the band. We rehearsed this show for a few weeks and only performed it once. Steve Kramer: keyboard, vocals. Rod Gordon: keyboard. Jim Clifford: bass. Eric Anderson: drums. Max Ray: baritone sax. Paul Scher: tenor sax. Tim Rummelhoff: tenor sax. Bobby Rodriguez: alto sax. The trombonist, percussionists and dancers: I just can't recall the names. Sorry.

Bonus 1st Ave video from 1987, I Want To Go To Hollywood.

The return of the Top Chef Performance Chart of Charting Performance™

2011-01-12T10:07:00.003-05:00

Wherein previously

*update: I missed Tiffany when I moved the data around and have now added her to the chart.

Thought: what would it look like if I applied values to Top Chef Performance and created a chart with pretty colors?

Result: Because I once had a class in statistics, the result is creamy awesomeness.

Fiddled with the inputs to give a little emphasis on EC wins. I've used the wiki page for the results and haven't verified for accuracy. Plus, some of the team challenges skew bottom results...so use this for betting at your own peril. Basically, this should demonstrate the chef's level of consistency up to this point and is not predictive of future performance.

I'm scoring as follows:

qf top: +1
qf win: +2
qf bottom: -1
EC top +2
EC win +4
EC bottom -2
EC loss: -4

After 5 weeks, scoring is:
15, Richard
10, Dale T
9, Angelo
6, Marcel
1, Antonia, Carla, Mike, Tre
0, Fabio
-1, Jamie, Tiffani
-5, Tiffany

Richard has zero bottom finishes and Dale T has only finished bottom in the ep 5 quickfire. Marcel also has just one quickfire bottom finish (ep1) and Angelo has 3 quickfire bottom finishes. Until his elimination, Spike had no bottom finishes. Tre's three bottom finishes are all elimination challenges -- that isn't a quality indicator. ~~Fabio has the most bottom finishes with 4 out of 10 competitions~~. Tiffany has the most bottom finishes with 5 out of 10 competitions.

Now for the pretty picture.

Vuvuzela christmas songs

2010-12-10T21:19:00.002-05:00

Wherein they actually sound different just like reggae songs

Silent NIght
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Jingle Bells
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Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
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Twelve Days of Christmas
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Frosty the Snowman
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Away in a Manger
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White Christmas
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BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Up on the Housetop
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Blue Christmas
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O Little Town of Bethleham
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Mele Kalikimaka
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Christmas in Hollis
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Do You Hear What I Hear?
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The Christmas Song
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O Come, All Ye FaithFul
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Ave Maria
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We Need a Little Snow
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
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Deck the Halls
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

We Wish You a Merry Christmas
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March of the Kings
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Santa Claus Go Straight to the Ghetto
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Backdoor Santa
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I defer to Twain on matters concerning monarchy

2010-11-17T19:31:00.001-05:00

Wherein "A man is a man at bottom Whole ages of abuse and oppression cannot crush the manhood clear out of him"

LINK for all you Queen-sniffing Euroweenies:

These poor ostensible freemen who were sharing their breakfast and their talk with me, were as full of humble reverence for their king and Church and nobility as their worst enemy could desire. There was something pitifully ludicrous about it. I asked them if they supposed a nation of people ever existed, who, with a free vote in every man's hand, would elect that a single family and its descendants should reign over it forever, whether gifted or boobies, to the exclusion of all other families--including the voter's; and would also elect that a certain hundred families should be raised to dizzy summits of rank, and clothed on with offensive transmissible glories and privileges to the exclusion of the rest of the nation's
families--_including his own_.

They all looked unhit, and said they didn't know; that they had never thought about it before, and it hadn't ever occurred to them that a nation could be so situated that every man _could_ have a say in the government. I said I had seen one--and that it would last until it had an Established Church. Again they were all unhit--at first. But presently one man looked up and asked me to state that proposition again; and state it slowly, so it could soak into his understanding. I did it; and after a little he had the idea, and he brought his fist down and said _he_ didn't believe a nation where every man had a vote would voluntarily get down in the mud and dirt in any such way; and that to steal from a nation its will and preference must be a crime and the first of all crimes. I said to myself:

"This one's a man. If I were backed by enough of his sort, I would make a strike for the welfare of this country, and try to prove myself its loyalest citizen by making a wholesome change in its system of government."

You see my kind of loyalty was loyalty to one's country, not to its institutions or its office-holders. The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing; it is the thing to watch over, and care for, and be loyal to; institutions are extraneous, they are its mere clothing, and clothing can wear out, become ragged, cease to be comfortable, cease to protect the body from winter, disease, and death. To be loyal to rags, to shout for rags, to worship rags, to die for rags--that is a loyalty of unreason, it is pure animal; it belongs to monarchy, was invented by monarchy; let monarchy keep it. I was from Connecticut, whose Constitution declares "that all political power is inherent in the people, and all free governments are founded on their authority and instituted for their benefit; and that they have _at all times_ an undeniable and indefeasible right to _alter their form of government_ in such a manner as they may think expedient."

November 10, 1975

2010-11-10T01:33:00.000-05:00

Wherein the Gales of November CD link is dead but can be purchased at CDbaby for $16 or at iTunes for $9.99

Link to previous post about the Edmund Fitzgerald

The colonated book list

2010-11-01T20:20:00.001-04:00

Wherein and a comma and a rumor of a title

Harold McGee. Keys to Good Cooking: A Guide to Making the Best of Foods and Recipes (OCtober 28, 2010)
Jennifer Homans. Apollo's Angels: A History of Ballet (November 2, 2010)
Mark Twain. Autobiography of Mark Twain, Vol. 1 (November 15, 2010)
Gary Taubes. Why We Get Fat: And What to Do About It (December 28, 2010)
Neal Stephenson. Reamde (?), (????, 2011(?))

A model for war memory intervention

2010-11-01T20:14:00.002-04:00

Wherein in 1999 one still used the long form World Wide Web and could write of running out of disk space for email

At Powerline, a letter from Professor Penelope Blake addressing the workshop "History and Commemoration: The Legacies of the Pacific War." Quote:

10. Veterans' memories of their own experiences in the war are suspect and influenced by media and their own self-delusion (Rosenberg, 18, 24). Therefore, it is the role of academics to "correct" their history. As one organizer commented, this will be more easily accomplished once the WWII generation has passed away. Another wrote, "America's nostalgic war memories are beginning to fray around the edges" (White, 267).

The workshop used the book Perilous Memories: The Asia-Pacific War(s). From the Amazon description:

Firmly based on the insight that memory is always mediated and that the past is not a stable object, the volume demonstrates that we can intervene positively yet critically in the recovery and reinterpretation of events and experiences that have been pushed to the peripheries of the past.

Obligatory quote from Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon.

Avi's telephone call, some eighty hours ago, arrived in the middle of a major interdisciplinary conference called "The Intermediate Phase (1939-45) of the Global Hegemony Struggle of the Twentieth Century (Common Era)." This is a bit of a mouthful and so it has been given a pithy nickname: "War as Text."

People are coming from places like Amsterdam and Milan. The conference's organizing committee--which includes Randy's girlfriend, Charlene, who actually gives every indication of being his ex-girlfriend now--hired an artist in San Francisco to come up with a poster. He started with a black-and-white halftone photo of a haggard World War II infantryman with a cigarette dangling from his lower lip. He worked this image over using a photocopier, blowing the halftone dots up into rough lumps, like rubber balls chewed by a dog, and wreaking any number of other distortions on it until it had an amazingly stark, striking, jagged appearance; the soldier's pale eyes turned an eerie white. Then he added a few elements in color: red lipstick, blue eyeshadow, and a trace of a red brassiere strap peeking out from the soldier's unbuttoned uniform shirt.

The poster won some kind of an award almost the moment it came out. This led to a press release, which in turn led to the poster's being enshrined by the news media as an Official Object of Controversy. An enterprising journalist managed to track down the soldier depicted in the original photograph--a decorated combat veteran and retired tool-and-die maker who, as it happened, was not merely alive but in excellent health, and, since the death of his wife from breast cancer, had spent his retirement roaming around the Deep South in his pickup truck, helping to rebuild black churches that had been torched by drunken yahoos.

The artist who had designed the poster then confessed that he had simply copied it from a book and had made no effort whatsoever to obtain permission--the entire concept of getting permission to use other people's work was faulty, since all art was derivative of other art. High-powered trial lawyers converged, like dive bombers, on the small town in Kentucky where the aggrieved veteran was up on the roof of a black church with a mouthful of nails, hammering down slabs of A/D exterior plywood and mumbling "no comment" to a horde of reporters down on the lawn. After a series of conferences in a room at the town's Holiday Inn, the veteran emerged, accompanied by one of the five most famous lawyers on the face of the planet, and announced that he was filing a civil suit against the Three Siblings that would, if it succeeded, turn them and their entire community into a flat, smoking abrasion in the earth's crust. He promised to split the proceeds between the black churches and various disabled veterans' and breast cancer research groups.

The organizing committee pulled the poster from circulation, which caused thousands of bootleg copies to go up on the World Wide Web and, in general, brought it to the attention of millions who never would have seen it otherwise. They also filed suit against the artist, whose net worth could be tallied up on the back of a ticket stub: he had assets of about a thousand dollars and debts (mostly student loans) amounting to sixty-five thousand.

All of this happened before the conference even began. Randy was aware of it only because Charlene had roped him into providing computer support for the conference, which meant setting up a Web site and e-mail access for the attendees. When all of this hit the news, e-mail began to flood in, and quickly jammed up all of the lines and filled up all of the disk capacity that Randy had spent the last month setting up.

Conferees began to arrive. A lot of them seemed to be sleeping in the house where Randy and Charlene had been living together for seven years. It was a big old Victorian house and there was plenty of room. They stumbled in from Heidelberg and Paris and Berkeley and Boston, then sat around Randy and Charlene's kitchen table drinking coffee and talking at great length about the Spectacle. Randy inferred that the Spectacle meant the poster furor, but as they went on and on about it, he sensed that they were using the word not in a conventional sense but as part of some academic jargon; that it carried a heavy load of shadings and connotations to them, none of which Randy would ever understand unless he became one of them.

To Charlene, and to all of the people attending War as Text, it was self-evident that the veteran who filed the lawsuit was the very worst kind of human being--just the sort they had gathered together to debunk, burn in effigy, and sweep into the ash-bin of posthistorical discourse. Randy had spent a lot of time around these people, and thought he'd gotten used to them, but during those days he had a headache all the time, from clenching his teeth, and he kept jumping to his feet in the middle of meals or conversations and going out for solitary walks. This was partly to keep himself from saying something undiplomatic, and partly as a childish but fruitless tactic to get the attention he craved from Charlene.

He knew the whole poster saga was going to be a disaster from early on. He kept warning Charlene and the others. They listened coolly, clinically, as if Randy were a test subject on the wrong side of a one-way mirror.

It's been awhile

2010-10-12T22:09:00.002-04:00

Wherein five

1. horse racing
2. monocle
3. Rand Paul
4. Horse racing
5. the Sun
6. the "Murder, She Wrote" lady
7. dk

Actual George Clooney quote

2010-10-12T21:58:00.003-04:00

Wherein so the White House is saying their photos may be used in any way that suggests disapproval or nonendorsement of the President, the First Family, or the White House

It was the best of hoary tropes, it was the worst of cheesy cliches

2010-10-12T21:28:00.001-04:00

Wherein remember that time in middle school we read that paragraph
from Dickens wasn't that cool

It was the best of weeks and it was the
worst of weeks for hip-hop star Lil' Wayne this week
It was the best
of Weeds and the worst of Weeds-all in one episode.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of
times..."

The opening line of Charles Dicken's classic about the happenings in
London and Paris during the French Revolution is a perfect summary for
how a sports fan in San Francisco felt as they tuned in to the pain and
joy that was Sunday.
blame the headline writer, not the author: It was the best of lines, it
was the worst of lines
As the book says, it was the best of times and it was the worst
of times.
June Casagrande is author of It
Was the Best of Sentences, It Was the Worst of Sentences.
It was the best of halves, it was the worst of
halves
It was the best of TIFFs, it was the worst of TIFFs.

Maybe it is, maybe it isn't

2010-10-11T21:39:00.003-04:00

Wherein the ambiguity is enticing

Bet on Adam and Kyrie and bet against Paula and Roy

2010-10-09T14:21:00.011-04:00

Wherein my three favorite contestants are also the worst

Note: All information below is based on data before the 10/09/2010
show.

To quickly get everyone up to speed:

There's a public radio game show called Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
Someone has created a WWDTM database
Found out about the database from Popehat.

I decided to pull some numbers and see if anything interesting popped out. Not really, so feel free to stop reading here.

I pulled game totals for the panelists with the most number of appearances -- after Provenza, the next most appearances was 14. Database includes number of points everyone scored per game, so that's something you could play around with. Or maybe review for shows recorded in Chicago versus those not and create home and away statistics. I won't be doing either of those.

Also of potential interest is how well the panelists do in the final round -- who can hold onto a lead and who comes from behind. But the ability to suss that out looks to be outside the realm of the database.

What I would like to see in the database is Bluff the Listener data. I'd like to know how well these guys bluff. And what happens when they have the real answer versus when they don't. Maybe I'll try to work on this.

Number of games played
Basic stuff: numbers 1st, 2nd, and 3rd; and total games played. Ties are a separate column in the database; here, I've combined them. So Charlie Pierce's 53 wins is 37 solo wins plus 16 ties for first.

Name	1st place	2nd place	3rd place	Total games
Charlie Pierce	53	31	18	102
Roxanne Roberts	50	35	15	100
Adam Felber	62	28	9	99
Paula Poundstone	23	32	44	99
Roy Blount, Jr.	35	35	27	97
Mo Rocca	20	32	34	86
Tom Bodett	24	24	22	70
Kyrie O'Connor	41	19	9	69
Amy Dickinson	15	19	16	50
PJ O'Rourke	10	10	19	39
Sue Ellicott	7	17	15	39
Paul Provenza	7	15	12	34

Total Points
Assign three points for 1st, two for 2nd, and one for third; calculate total.

Name	Total Points
Adam Felber	251
Charlie Pierce	239
Roxanne Roberts	235
Roy Blount, Jr.	202
Paula Poundstone	177
Kyrie O'Connor	170
Mo Rocca	158
Tom Bodett	142
Amy Dickinson	99
Sue Ellicott	70
PJ O'Rourke	69
Paul Provenza	63

Percentage of First Place Wins
First place total divided by number of games played.

Name	1st place percentage
Adam Felber	62.63
Kyrie O'Connor	59.42
Charlie Pierce	51.96
Roxanne Roberts	50.00
Roy Blount, Jr.	36.08
Tom Bodett	34.29
Amy Dickinson	30.00
PJ O'Rourke	25.64
Mo Rocca	23.26
Paula Poundstone	23.23
Paul Provenza	20.59
Sue Ellicott	17.95

Percent of Total Points

Assume three points for a win, and multiply by games played. Divide this into actual number of points earned. Does this work as some sort of efficiency rating?

Name	Percent of total points
Adam Felber	84.51
Kyrie O'Connor	82.13
Roxanne Roberts	78.33
Charlie Pierce	78.10
Roy Blount, Jr.	69.41
Tom Bodett	67.62
Amy Dickinson	66.00
Paul Provenza	61.76
Mo Rocca	61.24
Sue Ellicott	59.83
Paula Poundstone	59.60
PJ O'Rourke	58.97

Most likely to finish third
Like first place, but for last place.

Name	3rd place percentage
PJ O'Rourke	48.72
Paula Poundstone	44.44
Mo Rocca	39.53
Sue Ellicott	38.46
Paul Provenza	35.29
Amy Dickinson	32.00
Tom Bodett	31.43
Roy Blount, Jr.	27.84
Charlie Pierce	17.65
Roxanne Roberts	15.00
Kyrie O'Connor	13.04
Adam Felber	9.09

You know who else made lists?

2010-09-28T20:54:00.001-04:00

Wherein it is highly unlikely that I will ever listen to Tori Amos before a wrestling match again

Searching Google News for you know who else. Here's a few:

And you know who else acted the same way?
You know who else has to pass a knowledge test to do their jobs?
Do you know who else loves Nicole Lee?
You know who else is here?
You know who else is from Alabama?
You know who else wears Cutters?
You know who else is fired up?
You know who else is all about the Lohans?
You know who else this could describe?
You know who else you can click “them keys” and find online?
You know who else is happy?
You know who else is doing better than Favre, Brees, and Brady?
You know who else used to believe in this kind of football?
you know who else wants you to look pretty?
You know who else passed laws against smoking to protect people's health?*
You know who else could've gone without the hysteria of Johnson's woulda-shoulda-coulda TD?
You know who else should be mad about this “incident”?
You know who else was once a two-star recruit?
You know who else agrees with us?
You know who else are really a bunch of POSEURS?
YOU KNOW WHO ELSE LOOKS HOT RIGHT NOW?
You know who else won five national collegiate POY awards?
You know who else was an "AMC" fan back then?
You know who else did that?
You know who else needs experience?
You know who else fits that criteria?
You know who else wants you packed uncomfortably together like sardines?
You know who else is a pretty good runner?
You know who else voted for that 9 billion dollars in pork barrel spending?
And you know who else feels scared?
Do you know who else posed for Playboy?
you know who else liked oatmeal!
You know who else isn't afraid and daring things to be difficult?
You know who else was calm and collected?
you know who else you get to face tonight?
You know who else wanted to outlaw a religion and “shut down” places of worship?
you know who else was the “next fashion icon”?
You know who else is guilty of procrastinating?
You know who else wouldn't lie in that situation?*
You know who else likes "level playing fields"?

*Hitler was the correct answer; so only two correct for me.

A haiku

2010-09-16T21:03:00.001-04:00

Wherein at least 30 minutes spent determining that the serial number was not actually the serial number No the serial number was labeled the product key number Yeah that all made a fuckload of sense

Customer service?

For the love of god hurry

I have to pee. Bad.

Great song, great album

2010-09-15T19:01:00.002-04:00

Wherein And your sister is just mad because TKD is one-step away from being ballet in loose clothes

Rob Sheffield:

6.) New Sensations, Lou Reed. For years, I cherished this song for one of my all-time-favorite Lou Reed couplets: “I wanna press the buzzer for time to snooze / I wanna eradicate my negative views.” What a perfect clash of mundane detail and grandiosely poetic resolution. Then, for some stupid reason, I actually read the lyric sheet that came with the album. It’s not “I wanna press the buzzer for time to snooze.” It’s “I want the principle of a timeless muse.” Lyric sheets are evil.

That's one lyric I always heard correctly. Maybe I read the lyrics sheet early on. Anyway, this song is full of great couplets and triplets. Doubling up on the one Rob mentions:

I want the principles of a timeless muse
I want to eradicate my negative views
And get rid of those people who are always on a down

It's easy enough to tell what is wrong
but that's not what I want to hear all night long
Some people are like human Tuinals

I'm a huge fan of the "human Tuinals" line. But I think I'll go with the opening for my favorite lines of the song and of the album:

I don't like guilt be it stoned or stupid
drunk and disorderly I ain't no cupid
Two years ago today I was arrested on Christmas Eve

I don't want pain, I want to walk not be carried
I don't want to give it up, I want to stay married
I ain't no dog tied to a parked car

This is an album I've tried off and on to write about for a couple years...nothing worked. What I can boil it down to for me is this is a survivor's tale. Cheerful, whimsical, not too regretful, and often defiant. It's someone who is lucky to be alive and is at peace with the choices he's made. If this is storytelling on Reed's part or autobiographical songwriting, I've never bothered to take a look at his life to find out. I just play the music and sing along.

Did I mention defiant? The track Fly Into the Sun is probably the best example of that:

The earth is weeping, the sky is shaking
the stars split to their core
And every proton and unnamed neutron
is fusing in my bones

And an unnamed mammal is darkly rising
as man burns from his tomb
And I look at this as a blissful moment
to fly into the sun

I like that -- it's all sciencey.

A lot of what people "know" is nonsense, and the rules based on that knowledge are fetters and hobbles

2010-09-13T21:06:00.000-04:00

Wherein near as I can tell the exact phrase fetters and hobbles traces back to the 1933 Winston Churchill book about the Duke of Marlborough and Churchill might be referencing the Iliad

Bill James, America, Fuck Yeah:

I myself am a stubborn, sometimes arrogant person who refuses to obey some of the rules that everybody else follows. I pay no attention to the rules of grammar. I write fragments if I goddamned well feel like it. I refuse to follow many of the principles of proper research that are agreed upon by the rest of the academic world. An editor said to me last year, "Well, you've earned the right to do things your own way." Bullshit; I was that way when I was 25. It has to do with following the rules that make sense to me and ignoring the ones that don't. It doesn't make me a bad person; it makes me who I am.

Of course he is

2010-09-13T20:12:00.000-04:00

Wherein filed under possible first lines for future novel

Personally, the nonexploding variety scares me.

Katz, a long term HIV/AIDS survivor who lives on a queer intentional community in Tennessee, is a "fermentation fetishist."

Another year, another audition

2010-09-12T08:11:00.002-04:00

Wherein now up to 5 hours of dance lessons a week

In The Child's first ballet class there was this shy 12-year old student assistant. This fall she was accepted as an apprentice with the San Francisco Ballet.

Clips from the San Francisco Ballet's version of The Nutcracker.

Quoted

2010-09-10T21:16:00.000-04:00

Wherein So

Recognize this documentary?

This is really wonderful. If we go along with you and lie our asses off, the world of truth and ideals is, er, protected. But if we don't want to take part in some giant rip-off of yours then somehow or other we're managing to ruin the country. You're pretty good, Jim. I'll give you that.

Ok, how about this one:

The Taxman: You just docked.

Consumer: I has.

The Taxman: Ah ha, let's see here, that'll be 25 cents docking tax.

Consumer: What for?

The Taxman: Where's your sea craft?

Consumer: It ain't no sea craft, it's me dinghy and it's under the wharf.

The Taxman: Ah ha. aah-ha. This your goods?

Consumer: They is.

The Taxman: Yeah. You're new in town right?

Consumer: If you call this a town, yes.

The Taxman: Well, first of all, there's 17 cents new in town tax, and there's 45 cents rowboat-under-the-wharf tax, and one dollar leaving-your-junk-lying-around-the-wharf tax, so all together, you owe the Commodore $1.87.

Consumer: Uh, who's this Commodore?

The Taxman: Is the nature of question? There's a nickel question tax.

BRUTAL IS WHAT I WANT

2010-09-10T02:16:00.003-04:00

Wherein AND DON’T THINK SOME FOOTAGE FROM 10 YEARS AGO WILL CUT IT EITHER GRANDPA

Just a drummer looking for a guitar player. His needs are few, but exact.

I am the man

2010-09-09T21:48:00.000-04:00

Wherein ask the birds

Five

2010-09-09T20:38:00.000-04:00

Wherein Slate asks How many uses are there for a dead body but comes no where close to answering the question

Science
Fertilizer
Sex
Food
Souvenirs

The Norcal margarita...better drinking with science!

2010-09-08T20:36:00.001-04:00

Wherein I'll be drinking this while reading Robb Wolf's book at and on the beach

Robb Wolf has discussed his margarita in his podcast, but for the full recipe and scientificated breakdown go here.

Sample:

This drink is wonderful, for a few reasons:
Tequila is delicous.
Tequila is fermented agave juice, which makes it gluten- or and starch-free. Gluten, as nutrition geeks know, is a gut irritant and just generally bad stuff, and starches are way too dense with unnecessary carbs. Rum could likewise work well here.
Lime juice blunts the insulin response of the alcohol, maintaining your precious and hard-earned insulin sensitivity.

Or watch Robb Wolf explain it

Only one damn chapter in

2010-09-07T22:08:00.002-04:00

Wherein fan hate

Made the mistake of checking out the forums for the Mongoliad and people are already trying to figure out who is the Enoch Root character. Gah, must stop reading gooberish rantings of hyperfans. Browncoats almost ruined Serenity, these guys are bound to destroy something before it has a chance to actually become something.

Wait, AOL still exists?

2010-09-07T21:42:00.001-04:00

Wherein I premorsed an entire company

AOL was always kinda dumb:

Final Count: KFC 24 vs. Popeyes 9

When our story comes to be told we do not know who will have the telling of it

2010-09-05T06:22:00.003-04:00

Wherein 5:30am Sunday morning and I'm drinking Darjeeling tea eating strawberry pineapple pie and reading Kipling

Rudyard Kipling

There is an ancient legend which tells us that when a man first achieved a most notable deed he wished to explain to his Tribe what he had done. As soon as he began to speak, however, he was smitten with dumbness, he lacked words, and sat down. Then there arose—according to the story—a masterless man, one who had taken no part in the action of his fellow, who had no special virtues, but who was afflicted—that is the phrase—with the magic of the necessary word. He saw; he told; he described the merits of the notable deed in such a fashion, we are assured, that the words “became alive and walked up and down in the hearts of all his hearers”. Thereupon, the Tribe seeing that the words were certainly alive, and fearing lest the man with the words would hand down untrue tales about them to their children, took and killed him. But, later, they saw that the magic was in the words, not in the man.

We have progressed in many directions since the time of this early and destructive criticism, but, so far, we do not seem to have found a sufficient substitute for the necessary word as the final record to which all achievement must look. Even to-day, when all is done, those who have done it must wait until all has been said by the masterless man with the words. It is certain that the overwhelming bulk of those words will perish in the future as they have perished in the past; but it is true that a minute fraction will continue to exist, and by the light of these words, and by that light only, will our children be able to judge of the phases of our generation. Now we desire beyond all things to stand well with our children; but when our story comes to be told we do not know who will have the telling of it. We are too close to the tellers; there are many tellers and they are all talking together; and, even if we know them, we must not kill them. But the old and terrible instinct which taught our ancestors to kill the original story-teller warns us that we shall not be far wrong if we challenge any man who shows signs of being afflicted with the magic of the necessary word. May not this be the reason why, without any special legislation on its behalf, Literature has always stood a little outside the law as the one calling that is absolutely free — free in the sense that it needs no protection? For instance, if, as occasionally happens, a Judge makes a bad law, or a surgeon a bad operation, or a manufacturer makes bad food, criticism upon their actions is by law and custom confined to comparatively narrow limits. But if a man, as occasionally happens, makes a book, there is no limit to the criticism that may be directed against it. And this is perfectly as it should be. The world recognises that little things like bad law, bad surgery, and bad food, affect only the cheapest commodity that we know about—human life. Therefore, in these circumstances, men can afford to be swayed by pity for the offender, by interest in his family, by fear, or loyalty, or respect for the organisation he represents, or even by a desire to do him justice. But when the question is of words—words that may become alive and walk up and down in the hearts of the hearers—it is then that this world of ours, which is disposed to take an interest in its future, feels instinctively that it is better that a thousand innocent people should be punished rather than that one guilty word should be preserved, carrying that which is an untrue tale of the Tribe. The chances, of course, are almost astronomically remote that any given tale will survive for so long as it takes an oak to grow to timber size. But that guiding instinct warns us not to trust to chance a matter of the supremest concern. In this durable record, if anything short of indisputable and undistilled truth be seen there, we all feel, “How shall our achievements profit us?” The Record of the Tribe is its enduring literature.

The magic of Literature lies in the words, and not in any man. Witness, a thousand excellent, strenuous words can leave us quite cold or put us to sleep, whereas a bare half-hundred words breathed upon by some man in his agony, or in his exaltation, or in his idleness, ten generations ago, can still lead whole nations into and out of captivity, can open to us the doors of the three worlds, or stir us so intolerably that we can scarcely abide to look at our own souls. It is a miracle—one that happens very seldom. But secretly each one of the masterless men with the words has hope, or has had hope, that the miracle may be wrought again through him.

Speech at Royal Academy Dinner, May 6, 1906

That's cool...whatever

2010-09-04T20:18:00.000-04:00

Wherein repeat multiple times a day

I am sick and tired of Betty White being on my TV

2010-09-04T12:37:00.004-04:00

Wherein that is all

She isn't funny, never was funny. Wasn't funny on Saturday Night Live, wasn't funny on Golden Girls (in her defense, neither was anyone else), wasn't funny on Mary Tyler Moore, wasn't funny on Password.

Should be Institutionalized

2010-08-18T18:48:00.001-04:00

Wherein this lady performs the almost impossible feat of making Starbucks the sympathetic party

Language Log coverage for the story

Sometimes I try to order food
And it just doesn't work out the way I want it to.
And I get real frustrated.
It's like, I try hard to do it
And I take my time
But it just doesn't work out the way I want it to.
It's like I concentrate on it real hard,
But it just doesn't work out.
And everything I do and everything I try,
It never turns out!
It's like, I need time to figure these things out.

There's always someone there going,
"Hey Lynne, you know, We've been noticing you refuse to specify butter or cheese.
You should maybe get away, And like, maybe you should talk about it, You'd feel a lot better."

I go, "I want my multigrain bagel!”
Just leave me alone, I'll figure it out you know. I'm just working on myself."

And they go, "Well, You're not going to get anything unless you say butter or cheese;
I'll be here ya know, And you'll probably feel a lot better if ya just said butter or cheese, So why dontcha just say it?!"
I go, " Linguistically, it's stupid, and I'm a stickler for correct English. I want my multigrain bagel"

But they just keep buggin' me,
They just keep buggin' me
And it builds up inside!

So you're gonna be institutionalized
You'll come out brainwashed with bloodshot eyes
You won't have any say
They'll brainwash you until you see their way

I'm not crazy - Institutionalized
You're the one who's crazy - Institutionalized
Starbucks is driving me crazy - Institutionalized

They stuck me in an institution
Said it was the only solution
To give me the needed professional help
To protect me from my enemy, Starbucks

Uh - I was in my classroom
And I was just like staring at the wall thinking 'bout everything
But then again I was thinking about nothing.

And then the Dean came in,
And I didn't even know she was there.
She called my name
But I didn't hear her.
Then she started screaming, "Lynne, Lynne!"
And I go, "What? What's the matter?"
She goes, "What's the matter with you?!"
I go, "There's nothin' wrong Dean."
She goes, "Don't tell me that, you're on drugs!"
I go, "No Dean, I'm just low on fiber.
I'm okay, I'm just thinking, you know.
Why don't ya give me a multigrain bagel?"
She goes, "No, you're on drugs!"
I go, "Dean, I'm okay, I'm low on fiber."
She goes, "No, you're not low on fiber, you're on drugs!
Normal people don't act in that way!"
I go, "Dean, just give me a multigrain bagel please,
All I want is a multigrain bagel."
And she wouldn't give it to me!
All I wanted was a multigrain bagel!
Just one multigrain bagel!
And she wouldn't give it to me!
Just a multigrain bagel!

They give you a white shirt with long sleeves
Tied around your back, you're treated like thieves
Drug you up because they're lazy
It's too much work to help a crazy

I'm not crazy - Institutionalized
You're the one who's crazy - Institutionalized
Starbucks is driving me crazy - Institutionalized

They stuck me in an institution
Said it was the only solution
To give me the needed professional help
To protect me from my enemy, Starbucks

I was sitting in my room.
And the board of trustees came in.
So they pull up a chair and they sat down.
They go, "Lynne, we need to talk to you."
And I go, "Okay, what's the matter?"
They go, "Me and your Dean,
We've been noticing lately you've been having a lot of problems,
And you've been going off for no reason.
And we're afraid you're gonna hurt somebody,
We're afraid you're gonna hurt yourself.
So we decided that it would be in your best interest
If we put you somewhere
Where you could get the help that you need."
And I go, "Wait! What are ya talking about?!
We decided?!
My best interest?!
How do you know what my best interest is!
How can you say what my best interest is!
And what are ya trying ta say, I'm crazy?!
When I ate your school lunches!
I went to your church potlucks!
I went to your institutional learning mixers with those misogynist mini-sausages on toothpicks!
So how can ya say I'm crazy?!

They say they're gonna fix my brain
Alleviate my suffering and my pain
But by the time they fix my head
Mentally, I'll be dead

I'm not crazy - Institutionalized
You're the one who's crazy - Institutionalized
Starbucks is driving me crazy - Institutionalized

They stuck me in an institution
Said it was the only solution
To give me the needed professional help
To protect me from my enemy, Starbucks

...Doesn't matter I'll probably get hit by a food cart anyway

Musical rebus #13

2010-08-11T21:41:00.002-04:00

Wherein Vespers is a hint for the second image

Open Letter to Potential Employees from Cavaliers Majority Owner Dan Gilbert

2010-07-09T16:47:00.002-04:00

Wherein not really by him

When you just want to watch for goals

2010-07-02T19:42:00.001-04:00

Wherein doesn't include the Paraguay-Japan shootout or the Uruguay-Ghana shootout

1st half = 46 goals with an average time of 24-25 minutes
2nd half = 62 goals with an average time of 26-27 minutes

Coasting

2010-05-25T20:25:00.000-04:00

Wherein defined as to proceed easily without special application of effort or concern

What this guy says

Griffey’s status as one of the all time great players remains secure but it is increasingly clear that it is based on a 12 year run in the beginning of his career. Since then, he has been able to do little more than add to his counting numbers by sticking around for a decade as without having one full season where he was both healthy and good.

He was close

2010-05-24T20:24:00.000-04:00

Wherein it was predicted

March 14, 2008

I love Locke. He's my favorite character on the show and always has been.

If it were me writing the show, the last season would end with Locke merging with the Smoke Monster like Leto at the end of Children of Dune. He'd be walking around 20 feet tall and shooting lighting bolts out of his eyes and fighting polar bears with his bare hands.

Personally, I've rapidly lost interest with every episode this season. Actually, ever since they spun the frozen donkey wheel and started galivanting through time and space my ability to care became another victim of the speeding bus no one saw coming. So to say I was disappointed in the finale would be to admit I still had any type of expectations. And I didn't. I watched it, it's over, that's it.

Maybe this one will be posted in a timely manner

2010-04-13T20:59:00.000-04:00

Wherein total time spent was 83 seconds

1. Cloud
2. The guy who couldn't carry Leno's jock strap, Conan O'Brien
3. Al Kooper
4. time zones
5. How to train your dragon. Excellent movie, by the way.
6. Andre the Giant? But 1978 seems a little late for that. Probably some other, younger, wrassler.
7. Dead skunk in the middle of the road

"Proving that getting repeatedly beaten in the head by pointy objects is absolutely no deterrent to a labrador at play"

2010-04-10T16:09:00.000-04:00

Wherein video

Go here and enjoy this comment:

I also like that move around 3:45 where the deer is all like "chase me!" and the dog is say "ok go!" and the deer goes mmmrrrrrrwwwwwwooooooooonnnnnn like really fast and the dog is all chasing chasing and the deer looks back and is like "oh shit that dog is close" and then he justfuckingturnsright like a goddamn tron light cycle and the dog is left going "oh whoa, turnin' right, comin' round, watch out, right turn coming up". so that part is pretty cool.

This week's

2010-04-08T20:11:00.000-04:00

Wherein it's traditional to give bridesmaids and groomsmen gift why aren't pallbearers given gifts

1. Probably one of the 3 Stooges.
2. ballet. Usually not men, but sometimes.
3. Socrates
4. Law and Order
5. seaweed
6. ??
7. ??

Last week's

2010-04-07T21:10:00.000-04:00

Wherein This Isn't a Muscle is a band name

1. esophagus (pretty sure this isn't a muscle)
2. 86
3. May Day (but it's the middle of April, so must be something else
4. I was thinking of Paradise Lost, published in 1667, so only off by a decade
5. Alaska
6. ??
7. ??

Almost forget

2010-03-26T18:56:00.001-04:00

Wherein now with new content

raspberry
niger and congo
Summer
dumped Tiger
Queen Section
moving
schwa

Buffett's Top 10 Investing Secrets

2010-03-19T22:08:00.000-04:00

Wherein I would never say he's lazy

Margarita mix
shark hats
Parrot hats
Attractive backup singers
Restaurant chains
minor league baseball teams
Landshark beer
Biloxi casino
t-shirts
Gullibility of fans willing to buy anything with his name on it, despite the fact he's been coasting on moderate talent for over 20 years

Banzai charges don't work

2010-03-10T20:28:00.001-05:00

Wherein another Neal Stephenson quote

So I see that Moe Lane (why, is there grass there?) writes (and links to Cryptonomicon): *Or a Banzai charge, of course: but as Neal Stephenson once noted, the interesting thing about Banzai charges is that THEY DON’T WORK.

If by "once noted" he means Stephenson wrote a book that contained a character that said banzai charges don't work, then yes.

"For us, living or dying is not the important thing," Goto Dengo says.

"Hey! Tell me something I didn't fucking already know!" Shaftoe says. Even winning battles isn't important to you. Is it?"

Goto Dengo looks the other way, shamefaced.

"Haven't you guys figured out yet that banzai charges DON'T FUCKING WORK?"

"All of the people who learned that were killed in banzai charges," Goto Dengo says.

As if on cue, the Nips in the left field dugout begin screaming "Banzai!" and charge, as one, out onto the field. Shaftoe puts his eye up to a bullet hole in the wall and watches them stumbling across the infield with fixed bayonets. Their leader clambers up the pitcher's mound as if he's going to plant a flag there, and takes a slug in the middle of his face. His men are being dismantled all around him by thoughtfully placed rifle slugs from the Huks' dugout. Urban warfare is not the metier of the Hukbalahaps, but calmly slaughtering banzai-charging Nipponese is old hat. One of the Nips actually manages to crawl all the way to the first base coach's box. Then a few pounds of meat come flying out of his back and he relaxes.

Shaftoe turns to see that Goto Dengo is aiming a revolver at him. He chooses to ignore this for a moment. "See what I mean?"

"I have seen it many times before."

"Then why aren't you dead?" Shaftoe asks the question with all due flippancy, but it has a terrible effect on Goto Dengo. His face scrunches up and he begins to cry. "Aw, shit. You pull a gun on me and start bawling at the same time? How unfair can you get? Why don't you kick some fucking dirt in my eyes while you're at it?"

2010-03-09T23:04:00.000-05:00

1. circus
2. banana
3. nixon. oops, off by almost a couple hundred years.
4. Mikey
5. An economist at a dinner party
6. Euphrates and ??
7. allergic to oranges.

Open carry

2010-03-09T21:41:00.000-05:00

Wherein it's been awhile since I last dropped a Neal Stephenson quote

Over at Reason, you can read about,

One goal of the "open carry" movement, The New York Times notes, is to encourage liberalization of concealed carry laws. California, for instance, is one of nine states where concealed carry permits are issued at the discretion of local officials, which often means that only the politically connected receive permission to discreetly pack heat. But California law (PDF) allows you to openly carry an unloaded gun without a permit, provided you are outside of designated "gun-free" zones. Hence the holstered coffee drinkers letting it all hang out at Starbucks

Which, of course, reminds me of this scene from Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon. While Randy sits in the Mcdonald's parking lot, across the street from Novus Ordo Seclorum:

In the lot of the 24 Jam, Mike or Mark has joined three other elvish looking sorts in black cowboy hats and bandannas, whom Randy can identify based on the length and color of their ponytails and beards. There's Stu, a Berkeley grad student who is somehow mixed up in Avi's HEAP project, and Phil, who invented a major programming language a couple of years ago and goes helicopter skiing in his spare time, and Craig, who knows everything there is to know about encrypted credit card transactions on the Net and is a devotee of traditional Nipponese archery. Some of these guys are wearing long coats and some aren't. There is a lot of Secret Admirers iconography: t-shirts bearing the number 56, which is a code for Yamamoto, or just pictures of Yamamoto himself, or big fat question marks. They are having an energetic and very happy conversation though it looks a bit forced because, to a man, they are carrying long weapons out in plain sight. One of them has a hunting rifle, and each of the others is slinging a rudimentary looking gun with a banana clip sticking out of the side. Randy thinks, but is not sure, that these are HEAP guns.

This scene, not surprisingly, has caught the attention of the police, who have surrounded these four with squad cars, and who are standing at the ready with rifles and shotguns. It is an oddity of the law in many jurisdictions that, while carrying (say) a concealed one shot .22 derringer requires a license, openly carrying (e.g.) a big game rifle is perfectly legal. Concealed weapons are outlawed or at least heavily regulated, and unconcealed ones are not. So a lot of Secret Admirers who tend to be gun nuts have taken to going around conspicuously armed as a way of pointing out the absurdity of those rules. Their point is this: who gives a shit about concealed weapons anyway, since they are only useful for defending oneself against assaults by petty criminals, which almost never happens? The real reason the Constitution provides for the right to bear arms is defending oneself against oppressive governments, and when it comes to that, your handgun is close to useless. So (according to these guys) if you are going to assert your right to keep and bear arms you should do it openly, by packing something really big.

Updating "Point Break"

2010-02-24T20:38:00.002-05:00

Wherein what if was released in 2011 and not 1991

Really? This movie is almost twenty years old? That sucks. The first change we need to make is to update Pappas (Gary Busey) from a Vietnam vet to a Gulf War vet. Simple. For the biggest change I'll excerpt part of the script and highlight my changes in red.

Let's cut to the end of the football game at the beach:

The other surfers run up. Who's this newcomer that just
centerpunched their main man? Industrial strength tension.

ROACH
The fuck you doin' man?! You
fuckin' crazy?

Bodhi flashes a million dollar smile.

BODHI
Chill, brah. You know who this is?
Johnny Utah. Ohio State, all-
conference.
(to Utah)
Rose Bowl three years ago. Right?

Johnny nods. Tyler looks at him -- no shit?

ROACH
Johnny fuckin' Utah! Fuckin'-A!
Yeah, I remember that game, man.
You were on-fire. They could not
stop your ass.

GROMMET
Radical! Head-butt, dude!!

Johnny gestures "Please no".
Enthused by the concept, Grommet turns to Nathaniel.

GROMMET
Head-butt!!!

They do. Their foreheads CRACK together. They stumble
backwards in giddy euphoria. Nathaniel laughs like Pee
Wee Herman.

BODHI
Something happened. You got nuked
in the last quarter.

UTAH
Yeah, my knee got folded about 90
degrees the wrong way.

BODHI
And that's why you never went pro?

UTAH
Two years of surgery. I missed my
window. Limped through law school
instead.

BODHI
Mmm. A lawyer, huh?
(like it's a disease)
Too bad. But at least you're
surfing now. So your life's not
over yet, right?

UTAH
Not yet.

CUT TO:

At the bonfire, later that night. Roach is looking at his iPhone.

ROACH
Hey, Bodhi.

BODHI
Yeah, Roach.

ROACH
According to his wiki page, Johnny Utah joined the FBI after graduating from law school.

EVERYONE STARES AT UTAH

CUT TO:

INT. FEDERAL BUILDING - 16TH FLOOR - DAY
FBI agents are watching the morning news.

TV BROADCAST
An unidentified surfer washed up on shore this morning. Authorities are calling it an accidental drowning.

CLOSE UP OF A DEAD AND WATERLOGGED UTAH.

Lame title

2010-02-16T21:53:00.001-05:00

Wherein lamer digression

1. butterflies; also Appendixes H-J of the Kama Sutra
2. Woody Allen
3. no clue
4. Rooster
5. oh, the Rangers
6. no clue
7. All are more interesting than Bruuuuuce Springsteen. But he said "unusual distinction," so I withdraw my answer.

Late trivia

2010-02-13T13:54:00.001-05:00

Wherein just didn't get around to posting the previous two weeks

1. That show about women and shoes and sex and cities. I never saw it.
2. goats
3. unobtanium
4. Oklahoma and Missouri
5. South Africa
6. Richard Petty
7. something about a mop bucket left on the stairs

BONUS TRIVIA

What slightly unusual distinction do Patrick McGoohan, Dean Jones, Ken Berry, and Drew Barrymore share? Topic is movies

What do these guys have in common: Urban Dance Squad, Robyn Hitchcock, Louis Prima, Warren Zevon? Topic is song titles

A review of James Cameron directed films

2010-01-23T22:03:00.000-05:00

Wherein seen and unseen

1978, Xenogenesis. Never heard of it.
1981, Piranha II: The Spawning. Haven't seen it.
1984, The Terminator. Watched in the theater flummoxed I was enjoying an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie.
1986, Aliens. Wonderful action movie. I prefer the claustrophobic suspense of the first, but it's a close call.
1989, The Abyss. As a whole, not that good. But there are moments of greatness. Not a fan of the ending, especially the "aliens are here to save sucky humanity" director's cut version.
1991, Terminator 2: Judgment Day. Pretty good sequel.
1994, True Lies. Stupid and insulting.
1997, Titanic. Never saw it.
2009, Avatar. Haven't seen it. I kinda want to see it in a nice theater for the 3D effects, but I don't get out much and there's other movies I'd rather spend movie on. So 80% chance I'll miss this. One possibility: last year I watched all 5 OScar Best Picture nominees during the AMC theater marathon. I don't know if they're doing that this year or how it would work with ten movies, but, if nominated, that's probably my best chance of seeing it.

Other movies of note involving James Cameron:

1979, Rock 'n' Roll High School. Wiki lists his involvement as "other." Dumbass movie that still negatively colors my opinion of the Ramones.
1981, Escape from New York. Wiki lists his involvement as "other." Great movie with Kurt Russell doing the world's best Clint Eastwood impersonation.
1991, Point Break. Producer. Totally fun action movie. Only way to make it better would be to decartoon Gary Busey's character and add a smidgen of reality to the skydiving.
1995, Strange Days. Writer and Producer. Loved it in the theater. Haven't seen it since 1995 and don't remember much about it.

"It's a beautiful night... You can almost see the stars"

2010-01-22T20:38:00.000-05:00

Wherein not a big fan of sushi

Economic theory:

Bud: Credit is a sacred trust. It's what our free society was founded on! Do you think they give a damn about their bills in Russia? [Otto does not answer] I said, "Do you think they give a damn about their bills in Russia?"

Otto Maddox: They don't pay bills in Russia. It's all free.

Bud: Free, my ass. What are you, a fuckin' Commie?

Otto Maddox: No, I ain't no Commie!

Bud: I don't want no Commies in my car!... No Christians, either!

"A Playlist by Eric Puchner"

2010-01-21T20:37:00.000-05:00

Wherein I'm not sure if I'd read his stories but I'd listen to his mixtape

Eric Puchner, talking music:

The book is full of references to bands of that era, X and Black Flag and the Circle Jerks — I decided to use their real names, perhaps because I couldn’t imagine my own youth (or anyone else’s) without them. As a teenager, I spent half my life in record stores. This was back before the Internet, before Pitchfork and Pandora, when there was actually something called an “Alternative Music” section. You couldn’t hear the music on the radio, so the only way to find out if you liked a band was to buy their album. In order not to squander your allowance, you had to know which labels to buy from: SST, Slash, Homestead, Twin/Tone. This is how I discovered all the music that came to define my youth — not just Los Angeles bands like X and the Dream Syndicate but many others that, to my surprise, have since become household names: the Meat Puppets, Hüsker Dü, Sonic Youth, the Replacements.

TMQ absurdity

2010-01-20T20:36:00.000-05:00

Wherein going out of his way to complain about the least annoying aspect

If only Easterbrook understood the magical properties of copy and paste, this entire paragraph could have been avoided:

Another Reason Old Media in Decline: Tuesday Morning Quarterback was a lifelong subscriber to Columbia Journalism Review until, a few years ago, the phone rang at 8 p.m. during a family Sunday dinner, and it was a CJR telemarketer calling to ask if I wanted to extend my subscription. Instead, I said with full righteous mettle, "Cancel my subscription!" Recently, e-mails from the magazine have been showing up in my mailbox. Most e-mail services offer a one-click unsubscribe option. Not Columbia Journalism Review, whose e-mails say, "To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to leave-cjr-o-79934E@lists.jrn.columbia.edu." The absurd length of the e-mail address is to discourage you from typing it out, or if you do, to make an error likely. This is an Internet variant of what TMQ calls the Voice Prompt Blockade -- those voice mail prompts which are designed to be impossible to get through.

DUCKIE...COME OUT AND PLAAAAAAY!

2010-01-19T17:05:00.001-05:00

Wherein the one where Molly Ringwald and Jon Cryer star in the remake of the 1979 Walter Hill movie

Finnish

1 (yksi). Carthagessa

2 (kaksi). Rintasyöpä.

3 (kolme). Katsotaanpa, heittämisestä tapahtumista on olemassa keihäs, frisbee, Giant kuulalaakeri ... on vasara Olympic nakata? Noudan vasara.

4 (neljä). SKAALA? Ei, en usko, että he olivat tarpeeksi johtaa näyttelijöitä. Designing Women kuulostaa paremmalta. Ja se oli parempi Näytä kuin oikean vastauksen.

5 (viisi). Tiedä.

6 (kuusi). Synkronitehosteet.

7 (seitsemän). Tiedä. Koska hän mainitsi Coldplay, täällä on hyvä haastattelu viimeisimmässä tuottaja, erittäin lahjakas Brian Eno:

"Zappa was important to me because I realised I didn't have to make music like he did. I might have made a lot of music like he did if he had not done it first and made me realise that I did not want to go there. I did not like his music but I am grateful that he did it. Sometimes you learn as much from the things you don't like as from the things you do like. The rejection side is as important as the endorsement part. You define who you are and where you are by the things that you know you are not. Sometimes that's all the information you have to go on. I'm not that kind of person. You don't quite know where you are but you find yourself in the space left behind by the things you've rejected."

Общая неточным переводом ответов

2010-01-12T20:51:00.001-05:00

В которой в русский

1. Французская Гвиана

2. Рединг? Макет? Печать? Издательская? Искусство? Этот вопрос является чрезвычайно расплывчатым. Verso является левая страница и ректо это право. Но есть, наверное, несколько общих развлечениях, который работал бы с этим.

3. Если это не-антология, которая должна исключать Роберт Стэк неприкасаемых и ведущий Нераскрытые тайны. Нет ответа

4. Четырнадцать?

5. Шанхай?

6. Не знаю

7. Они все были сука-хлопнул Мэри Тайлер Мур. Факты.

Movie promotion, no box office required

2010-01-06T22:33:00.000-05:00

Wherein I think it's about time to test out this Netflix thingy

From the Slate Movie Club, Roger Ebert:

[Tilda Swinton]'s taken difficult or impossible roles. She's worked with free spirits like Sally Potter, Jim Jarmusch, Derek Jarman, Tim Roth, and Spike Jonze. She personally helped haul a "cinema wagon" across Scotland by rope to bring good movies to the outlands, and when she finally makes a flat-out terrific thriller, what happens? It grosses $64,000 in U.S. theatrical release. How is that possible?

Magnolia gave it a shabby release. No promotion. I saw it on a screener before it opened at Facets Cinematheque here in Chicago. Dana, you thought Tilda was the year's best actress. I thought she was the year's best actress. The voters in IndieWIRE's annual poll thought she was the year's best actress. She won the Evening Standard best actress award. New York Times film critic Manohla Dargis wrote, "Ms. Swinton demands to be seen even when her character is on a self-annihilating bender so real that you can almost smell the stink rising off her. So I sat in my seat, cursed the screen and was grateful to watch an actress at the height of her expressive power claw toward greatness." When Manohla gets like that I almost want to move over a seat.

But-who in America saw the film? Most critics didn't. Certainly not enough to win her any big-city critics' awards. Is there an Oscar campaign? Don't make me laugh. What do we do, pals? Roll over and accept it?

I put Julia on my best of 2009 list and was startled by the unanimous agreement among the readers posting on my blog. Where and how had they seen it? Now we're getting to the intriguing part. Turns out it's an Instant Streamer on Netflix, included at no extra charge as part of every one of its 14 million subscriptions. What Magnolia did right was allowing this to happen. Just this year, streaming on Netflix has finally penetrated the moviegoing population. If you have good net service, they deliver an HD- or Blu-ray-quality picture-no glitches-and you can stream as many movies as you can see. So all of these people in Arkansas, Alaska, Vermont, and East Jesus have seen Julia, and they love it. Word of mouth.

Remember back in the 1970s? (No, come to think of it, you don't.) Annie Hall became the lowest-grossing movie in history to win the Oscar for best picture; four Oscars in all. Trade experts called it "the first Oscar cable campaign." Cable TV was in its infancy, but most of the Academy visitors in Los Angeles subscribed to a plucky start-up called the X Channel, which screened the hell out of it.

Flash-forward. Netflix has greater penetration than X Channel ever did. All voters have to do is click on the remote. They don't have to go out to a screening. They don't even have to sort through their Oscar screeners and put one in the DVD. If they watch Julia, they will see the year's best actress, and they may vote for her.

Here's my crazy notion. With so many popular and critical voices behind it, maybe the Academy will arise from its slumber and vote outside the box for change. These could be the first Netflix Oscars.

You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big

2010-01-05T22:32:00.000-05:00

Wherein back in the vinyl purchasing days I was an LP not a single person However I did buy two 45 rpm records One was Boogie Fever and the other was Theme From S.W.A.T.

annoying and pointless block of text:

1. francis scott key 2. mules 3. I forgot about him 4. world's tallest building 5. barbershop quartets 6. mike vick 7. no clue. reading the second paragraph under History in the SWAT wiki, suggests a possible answer of "location never identified." This is confirmed by checking Hill and Malcolm.

A decade: books I enjoyed

2009-12-26T16:50:00.003-05:00

Wherein huh

2001: Ken Layne, DOT.CON; Peter Reinhart, The Bread Baker's Apprentice: Mastering the Art of Extraordinary Bread

2002: Po Bronson, What Should I Do With My Life? ; John Frederick Walker, A Certain Curve of Horn: The Hundred-Year Quest for the Giant Sable Antelope of Angola

2003 Michael Lewis, Moneyball

2004: Christopher Buckley, Florence of Arabia; Barbara Feinberg, Welcome to the Lizard Motel: Children, Stories, and the Mystery of Making Things Up

2005: Daniel Coyle, Lance Armstrong's War; Wendy Moore, The Knife Man: Blood, Body Snatching, and the Birth of Modern Surgery; Sarah Vowell, Assassination Vacation

2006: Jason Bardi, The Calculus Wars: Newton, Leibniz, and the Greatest Mathematical Clash of All Time Frank Portman, King Dork

2007: Chris Rose, 1 Dead in Attic

2009: Nick Hornby, Juliet, Naked; Louis Maistros, The Sound of Building Coffins

A decade: tv shows I enjoyed

2009-12-23T10:00:00.000-05:00

Wherein by debut year This looks pretty close though I'm sure I'm missing a couple

2000: Malcolm in the Middle, Coupling (UK version, seasons 1-3; definitely not season 4)

2001: Samurai Jack, Pardon the Interruption, The Bernie Mac Show

2002: Firefly

2003: Mythbusters, Two and a Half Men, Arrested Development, Joan of Arcadia

2004: Lost

2005: Rock Star: INXS, Deadliest Catch, The Colbert Report

2006: Love Monkey, Thief, 30 Rock

2007: The Riches, Big Bang Theory, Chuck, Reaper, Life, Pushing Daisies

2008: Life On Mars

2009Better Off Ted, Kings, Castle, Parks & Recreation, Glee, Community, Modern Family, White Collar

Merry gravmas to all

2009-12-22T21:24:00.001-05:00

Wherein the explanation for that mentioned above in the title

1. Including Marley, four

2. Cupid

3. Pittsburgh

4. Dreidel

5. Little Drummer Boy

6. Double-Double, animal style

7. Shoot out in a tree lot

A decade: music I enjoyed

2009-12-18T22:09:00.000-05:00

Wherein If a couple of these are off it's because I'm using the year listed in my iTunes catalog without verifying

2000: John Wesley Harding, Confessions of St. Ace; Laura Love, Fourteen Days; Sinéad O'Connor, Faith and Courage; Zap Mama, Seven; Kirsty MacColl, Tropical Brainstorm

2001: Loudon Wainwright III, Last Man on Earth; Nikka Costa, Everybody Got Their Something; Poets Of Rhythm, Discern/Define; Shirley Bassey, The Remix Album; Tori Amos, Strange Little Girls

2002: Badly Drawn Boy, About a Boy; Gordon Gano, Hitting the Ground; Paul Westerberg, Stereo; Peter Wolf, Sleepless; Prudence Johnson, Moon Country; Robyn Hitchcock, Robyn Sings; Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings, Dap-Dippin' With…; Whitefield Brothers, In the Raw

2003: Grandpaboy, Dead Man Shake; soundtrack, Wicked; Laura Love, Welcome to Pagan Place; soundtrack, The Triplets of Belleville; Paul Westerberg, Come Feel Me Tremble; Petty Booka, Let's Talk Dirty in Hawaiian; Richard Thompson, 1000 Years of Popular Music; Trailer Bride, Hope is a Thing With Feathers; Voodoolulu, meooow Royale

2004: Har Mar Superstar, The Handler; k.d. lang, Hymns Of The 49th Parallel; The Muffs, Really Really Happy; Patrice Pike, Live at the Brushwood Lounge; Paul Westerberg, Folker; PJ Harvey, Uh Huh Her; Tangle Eye, Alan Lomax's Southern Journey Remixed

2005: Jack Johnson, In Between Dreams; Mike Doughty, Haughty Melodic

2006: Amy Winehouse, Back to Black; Bootsy Collins, Christmas is 4 Ever; The Little Willies, The Little Willies

2007: John Doe, A Year in the Wilderness; Paul Cebar, Tommorow Sound Now for Yes Music People; Rickie Lee Jones, The Sermon On Exposition Boulevard

2008: Abigail Washburn & The Sparrow Quartet, Abigail Washburn & The Sparrow Quartet; Bob Mould, District Line; Windmill, Puddle City Racing Lights

2009: Mike Doughty, Sad Man Happy Man; Neko Case, Middle Cyclone; Robyn Hitchcock, Goodnight Oslo; Wendy & Lisa, White Flags of Winter Chimneys; John Wesley Harding, Who Was Changed and Who Was Dead; Pomplamoose

And I want Hurley to be happy

2009-12-18T18:19:00.003-05:00

Wherein three TV critics sitting around talking about TV

For the first section, most of the conversation is about Lost. I'm agreeing with Sepinwall in hoping that Desmond, Penny, and baby Charlie make it to the end. And Hurley. He's the only original castaway I care about.

Ryan: What do you guys personally want out of the last season?

Poniewozik: Honestly, I don’t know if there’s anything that I particularly want. I want to be entertained and impressed. And I want to have some sense of why the island is important and why it was necessary that they all be there, if it was necessary that they all be there.

I don’t necessarily need all the parts of that to add up. It’s not like there’s an outcome that I’m rooting for. I’d love to be surprised.

Sepinwall: There’s one outcome I am rooting for, and that is Desmond, Penny and baby Charlie have to be OK. If they [expletive] with them, I’m not going to be happy and that’s the only area. But beyond that…

Ryan: Yeah, I think I'm with you there. I think they probably know they cannot break our hearts with that. If they do, they will be dead.

Sepinwall: And I would like to know what Smokey is. They’ve teased that out so much that if they don’t answer that -- that I think would be disappointing.

Poniewozik: It’s funny that the thing that you guys come to is Desmond and Penny and little Charlie. And not Kate and Jack and Sawyer, for instance. [But] some people have this idea that, for a show like this to be any good, should know exactly what it’s going to do from the beginning. You know -- have a map and follow the map militarily to the end.

And the fact is, it’s like a novel, it’s like writing and developing anything else, it's like making a movie -- if it doesn’t happen organically, if it doesn't come out of the characters, who are human beings and will surprise you and take you places that you didn’t expect to when it started out, it’s going to be [crap]. And therefore, [the show] has to allow for the possibility that things that the creators thought were going to happen in Season 1 just end up not happening at all. And some character who is down a hole at the beginning of the second season ends up having the relationship that is cared about most at the end.

A decade: movies I enjoyed

2009-12-16T21:06:00.001-05:00

Wherein for a better attempt go here and here and here and ~~2003-2009 still to be done~~ his list of lists

I'd watch these again.

2000: Bring it One, Chicken Run, Miss Congeniality, O Brother Where Art Thou?, Shanghai Noon, Unbreakable, Wonder Boys

2001: Bubble Boy, Enemy at the Gates, A Knight's Tale, Fellowship of the Ring, Moulin Rouge, Shaolin Soccer, Shrek

2002: About a Boy, Bend it Like Beckham, Bubba Ho-Tep, Drumline, The Two Towers, Orange County, The Rookie

2003: The Core, Elf, Kill Bill Vol 1, Return of the King, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

2004: Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle, The Incredibles, Kill Bill Vol. 2, Mean Girls, Mr. 3000, National Treasure, Riding Giants

2005: The Aristocrats, King Kong, Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World, The Matador, Nanny McPhee, Sin City, The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada, Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit

2006: Stick It, The Illusionist, Stranger Than Fiction, Casino Royale, Thank You For Smoking

2007: No Country for Old Men, Shrek the Third, Stardust, Surf's Up

2008: Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Frost/Nixon, Slumdog Millionaire, Tropic Thunder, WALL-E

2009: Bandslam, Inglourious Basterds, looking forward to Fantastic Mr. Fox, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, Sherlock Holmes

Ten more days

2009-12-15T19:01:00.001-05:00

Wherein it's been very foggy the last few days

I'll guess Steve Martin and someone else
The "Hunt For Red October" guy. Because...because I was thinking the CIA was in Langdon, VA, but instead it's in Langley, VA. I have no answer.
Didn't know. Of course there's a wiki page for this. I thought Cuba would be on this. I guess since the U.S. "leases" Guantanamo then it's not technically divided.
no idea.
Is the monster Cerberus? Is it cervix?
Drowning
not even going to attempt this one

Gretchen Rubin doesn't understand lists

2009-12-11T04:00:00.000-05:00

Wherein everything that follow is extremely boring Extremely

Take a look at Gretchen Rubin's Eight Tips to Know If You're Being Boring. Having read a few of her previous articles and become highly annoyed by her uber-extroverted approach to happiness, I guessed I'd nail at least six items on her boring list. Unfortunately, this list was so poorly written I had to redo it.

Maybe a quick review of lists would help. First, from Read Me First! A Style Guide for the Computer Industry:

Lists are used to extract information from the paragraph format and to structure the information into an easier-to-read format....You do not want the reader to confuse a list with steps, which denote actions....Use [bulleted] lists when the entries are not dependent on the sequence in which you present them....make the list items parallel....Make sure that the items in a bulleted list are similar in value

And from the Chicago Manual of Style:

All items in a list should be syntactically alike....

The first problem is this is not something that needs to be structured in a list. These are eight paragraphs with introductory headers. Or they could be paragraphs if she took the time and care to treat them equally. Her #1 is two sentences stating "this is boring." Her #5 is a journal of personal reflection concerning some anecdote about something while she scoffs her feet and stammers a bunch of "I suspect," and "In general," along with a "probably" and a "maybe." Also, if we can restructure these as paragraphs then we can do away with discussing whether there's a need to number them or does a bulleted list make more sense.

With that out of the way, the main problem is the lack of structure of the headings. Whether numbered, bulleted, in a table, or even chapter headings, parallel construction goes a long way towards keeping the reader focused on your message. Take the first two:

Repeated,perfunctory responses
Simple questions

We can probably figure out where she's going, but a more helpful, and parallel structure would be:

Repeating perfunctory responses
Asking simple questions

Isn't that better? Now you know the offense and if you want more detail you can read further.

Now based on the introduction I'm expecting eight boring behaviors that are followed by an explanation for each. In a glancing fashion, skipping most context, I should be able to cruise through the topics -- yes, no, no, yes -- and come up with a score. Even in the original and uncorrected form, the first two work this way. Then there's third and fourth:

Interruption
Request for clarification

Because the first two were examples of being boring, I'm expecting the same here. I can understand interrupting but asking for clarification is being boring? Turns out that's not what she means. Rubin "thinks" interrupting is a good sign and that an interested person will ask for additional information. Fixing,

Repeating perfunctory responses
Asking simple questions
Not interrupting
Not asking for clarification

I have created a parallel construction problem by starting the first two with gerunds and the next two without, but at least the logical agreement is correct. Once we get all eight pointing in the same direction, then we can get down to nit-picking.

Numbers five, six, seven, and eight are also vague. However, "imbalance" offers even less of a clue where Rubin is going. Since I was burned by assuming that interrupting was bad, I'm not guess on what she thinks of talking time. Changing it to "Talking too much" would be a huge help.

Skipping ahead, here's my first draft rewrite.

Repeating perfunctory responses
Asking simple questions
Not interrupting
Not asking for clarification
Talking too much
Abruptly changing topics
Leaning
Slouching

Basically this boils down to displaying a lack of enthusiasm, failure to act interested, and assuming a posture of someone trying to escape. Again, Rubin is assuming the tyranny of the extroverted is pleasant behavior. These aren't signs that you are boring, they're signs you're doing a poor job covering up that you find your chit-chat partner to be boring. Relax, it's their fault, not yours. Of course a large part of social interaction is pretending you care, but that can be another ill-thought out list.

How can you tell the difference between a Finnish introvert and a Finnish extrovert?

2009-12-08T21:00:00.000-05:00

Wherein When he's talking to you a Finnish introvert looks at his feet. A Finnish extrovert looks at yours!

Finnish
Ohio. Ooh, missed by just this much.
no guess. Oh, perhaps if we'd gone to that exhibit at the High museum I would have known this.
Clap for the wolfman, or just shoot him with a silver bullet
slate
Mahalia Jackson
DK. I did learn the Vatican bank's ATM has instructions in Latin.

Bonus trivia: Here's a wiki category, Television shows set in the United States. According to these lists, there are three states that have never been the setting for a TV show. Can you name them?

Part II: That leaves 47 other states. How many of them can you place a show in? No points will be awarded, this is for your own enjoyment.

Songs of an ecumenical nature

2009-12-05T07:40:00.000-05:00

Where I have no idea why I own a World Party CD

Aids and Amageddon, Fishbone
Angel, Eurythmics
Angel, Jack Johnson
Angel, Chaka Khan
Angel, Kirsty MacColl
Angel From Montgomery, John Prine
Angel Man, Joan Armatrading
Angel of Harlem, U2
Angels, David Byrne
Are You Drinkin' With Me Jesus, Mojo Nixon
Armagideon Time, The Clash
The Angels Sang, Solitaires
Beat Angels, Rickie Lee Jones
Black Angels, Kronos Quartet
Blind Faith, Levellers
Blue Heaven Rendezvous, Jimmy Buffet
Boys From the County Hell, The Pogues
Calling All Angels, Jane Siberry & K.D. Lang
Children's Prayer, Disneyland Boys Choir
Church Bells May Ring, The Willows
Church On Sunday, Flip Wilson
Christianity, Bill Hicks
Christianity, Wolfgang Press
Christians I Hate 'Em, Mojo Nixon
Closer to God, Kirsty MacCall
Come to Jesus, Audra McDonald
Creatures of Little Faith, Ray Davies
Dear God, Fishbone
Devil or Angel, The Clovers
Dr. Laura Who Made You God, Mojo Nixon
Don't Pass Your Judgement, Memphis Nomads
Earth Angel, The Penguins
Every Night's a Friday Night (In Hell), The Suburbs
Fairy Godmother Song, Jennifer Saunders
Faith of Our Fathers, Bing Crosby
Faith Salons, Brenda Kahn
Five O'Clock Angel, Peter Wolf
Gee Angel, Sugar
Get Me to the Church on Time, My Fair Lady soundtrack
God, John Lennon
God, Tori Amos
God Blasts the Queen, Urban Dance Squad
God Cries, Zuzu's Petals
God Don't Own a Car, Jimmy Buffett
God Lives Upstairs, John Wesley Harding
God Loves a Drunk, Richard Thompson
God On My Side, World Party
Dog Part II, U2
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, Andre Previn, etc.
God Said, Mary's Danish
Grace of God Go I, Flogging Molly
Hang On St. Christopher, Tom Waits
Heaven, Joan Armatrading
Heaven, Talking Heads
Heaven, Tangle Eye
Heaven, Until December
Heaven and Paradise, Don Julian & the Meadowlarks
Heaven on Earth, Two Nice Girls
Heaven On Their Minds, Jesus Christ Superstar (Indigo Girls version)
Hell Hound On My Trail, Robert Johnson
Hell of a Hat, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones
Hellflower, Mary's Danish
Hello God, Dolly Parton
Her New Church, Paul Cebar
Hills of Shiloh/Faithless Love, Bernadette Peters
Hold to Gold's Unchanging Hand, Ima Thomas
Honky Tonk Angels' Medleu, k.d. lang
How Great Our Lord, Randy Newman
Hymn to Her, The Pretenders
Hymn to Love, Edith Piaf
The Host of Seraphim, Dead Can Dance
I Don't Want to Bring Your Gods Down, Terence Trent D'Arby
I Have Faith in These Desolate Times, Terence Trent D'Arby
I Want to be in the Land of Milk and Honey, Vicki Anderson
If I Had Possession Over Judgement Day, Robert Johnson
If I Should Fall From Grace With God, The Pogues
I'll Always Have Faith In You, Carla Thomas
I'm No Angel, Dido
In God's Country, U2
In Heaven There is no Beer, Frankie Yankovic
Jackie Wilson Said (I'm In Heaven When You Smile), Dexy's Midnight Runners
Jesus, Second City
Jesus and Mary, Martha Wainwright
Jesus and the House is Empty, Julia Sweeney
Jesus at McDonalds, Mojo Nixon
Jesus is the Only Answer, Bela Fleck
Jesus Walking On the Water, Violent Femmes
Jesus Wrote a Blank Check, Cake
Junkie's Prayer, Fishbone
Kiss Me Song of God, They Might Be Giants
Last Hymn, Gavin Bryars
Leave Heaven Alone, Exene Cervenka
Like a Prayer, Madonna
Living God, Bill Hicks
Lookin' Up In Heaven, Paul Westerberg
Lord Only Knows, Beck
Lord's Prayer, Second City
The Lord's Prayer, Barbra Streisand
The Lord Will Make a Way Somehow, Kay Robinson
Merciful God, The Roches
My Favorite Angel, John Wesley Harding
My Lover's Prayer, Otis Redding
My Prayer, The Platters
Nunsense, Julia Sweeney
O, Doctor Jesus, Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong
Oh Lord, Don't Let Them Drop That Atom Bomb On Me, Charles Mingus
Pennies From Heaven, Mandy Patinkin
Personal Jesus, Depeche Mode
Pray No More, Momma Stud
Pray to the Junkiemaker, Fishbone
Prayer For Demo, Urban Dance Squad
Prayer of Love, Subdudes
Prayer of the Comfort Counselor, 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee Cast Album
Praying Hands, DEVO
Pretty Little Angel Eyes, Curtis Lee and the Halos
Rebel Jesus, Kate & Anna McGarrigle
Road to Emmaus, Rickie Lee Jones
Running on Faith, Bernadette Peters
The Secret Angel, John Wesley Harding
Seventh Heaven, Peter Wolf
Sex Goddess of the Western Hemisphere, Maggie Estep
She's an Angel, They Might Be Giants
Show Me Heaven, Maria McKee
Snowball in Hell, They Might Be Giants
So What If I Saw Jesus, Brenda Kahn
Sojourner's Battle Hymn
St. Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast, Frank Zappa
St. Judy's Comet, Paul Simon
St. Patty's Polka Medley, Jimmy Sturr
Stairway To Heaven, Dolly Parton
Straight to Hell, The Clash
Talking to My Angel, Melissa Etheridge
The Tao of Heaven, Rick Springfield
Thank God It's Christmas, Queen
Thank You for Sending Me an Angel, Talking Heads
Thank You Lord For Sending Me the F Train, Mike Doughty
There Must Be An Angel, Eurythmics
This Jesus Must Die, Jesus Christ Superstar
Venus is Hell/Overlords, Stan Ridgway
Waiting at the Church, Richard Thompson
When Did You Leave Heaven?, Diane Schuur
Where the Hell's My Money?, Mojo Nixon
With God On Our Side, Wire Train
Ye Sleeping Knights of Jesus, Robyn Hitchcock
Your Flag Decal Won't Get You Into Heaven Anymore, John Prine

I haven't demanded it, I'm just vaguely compelled to open email every Tuesday and guess. If it stopped coming I'd quickly adjust.

2009-12-01T17:42:00.000-05:00

Wherein never been to Turner Field because I have no interest in the Braves and never much cared for National League teams

Rough Riders. Also a great song by The English Beat, but had nothing to do with Teddy Roosevelt.
The number of Hank Aaron's home runs, which is ~756?
Pak/Afghan istan
The Moon
Drawing a blank and I should be all over 1984 sci-fi films. David Lynch played a large pile of sand? Ah, scrolling here, the answer was obvious once I got to S. That movie sucked.
Eff Mr. Blackwell and the people who paid attention to him. If you know the answer to this your soul is less full than it could have been. I do not know, though based on "beehive" I will guess Amy Winehouse. My soul remains intact.
I've read Flatland, The Hobbit, and The Little Prince. They're all journeys...and I have nothing. Researching thru wiki I've uncovered the answer. Authors did more than write.

Gang war trivia

2009-11-26T06:30:00.000-05:00

Wherein each answer contains "Crip" or "Blood." Gang with the most correct answers releases your relatives. If there's a tie, the police will break down your door and shoot your dog; if you don't have a dog one will be provided for you. If you miss everything both gangs firebomb your home.

Good luck.

Pilot on the first space shuttle mission in 1981.
Any substitute for currency which is not legal tender and is often a form of credit.
In 1969 this R&B/jazz-rock band had three singles reach #2 on the Billboard charts.
On, January 30, 1972, another name the Bogside Massacre.
The former gold mining camp at the base of Pike's Peak or a song by The Band.
Oceanographic institute in La Jolla, California.
This sausage is also called Black pudding.
1922 swashbuckling novel by Rafael Sabatini, who also wrote "Scaramouche." Errol Flynn played the title character in the movie.
A purchase made for a specified period of time.
A a terminal-based ripper/encoder/tagger tool for creating Ogg Vorbis/FLAC/MP3 files under UNIX/Linux.

Quickly done rarely reflected

2009-11-24T06:43:00.002-05:00

Wherein I'll start brining the turkey this evening

The Bitches of Charlie Brown
Batteries
Mission Impossible
Canada
Hitler
The Bitches of Charlie Brown
don't know

Songs of a sartorial nature

2009-11-19T21:52:00.000-05:00

Wherein 1958 was a good year

Black Denim Trousers and Motorcycle Boots, Vaughn Monroe
Blue Dress, Depeche Mode
Blue Skirt Waltz, Jimmy Sturr
Blue Suede Shoes, Carl Perkins
Boot-Leg, Booker T & the MGs
Boots, Laurie Berkner
Bring Your Clothes, Laurie Berkner
Button Up Your Overcoat, Dick Haymes
Buttons, Sia
Chantilly Lace, Jerry Lee Lewis
Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes, Paul Simon & Ladysmith Black Mambazo
Don't Dress Your Cat in an Apron, Billy DeWolfe
Dungaree Doll, Eddie Fisher
The Emperer's New Clothes, Sinead O'Connor
Fool Buttons, Jimmy Buffett
Funky Bikini, Ursula 1000
Get Dressed, Bumblebeez 81
Good Bye Pork Pie Hat, Charles Mingus
The Golden Glove, John Wesley Harding
Greensleeves, various
Gumboots, Paul Simon
Heels, Q-Tip
Hell of a Hat, Mighty Might Bosstones
Hot Pants, James Brown
I Just Want the Girl in the Blue Dress to Keep On Dancing, Mike Doughty
I Like You In Velvet, Malcolm McLaren
If Love is a Red Dress (Hang Me in Rags), Maria McKee
I'm Too Tough For Mr. Big Stuff (Hot Pants), Vicki Anderson
In These Shoes, Kirsty MacColl
Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini, Brian Hyland
Keep Your Dress Tail Down, Boozoo Chavis
Leather, Tori Amos
Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat, Robyn Hitchcock
Little Black Sandals, Sia
Mini-Skirt Minnie, Sir Mac Rice
My Little Suede Shoes, The Robustos
Needles and Pins, Jackie DeShannon
New Suit, Wild Magnolias
Nightgown of the Sullen Moon, They Might Be Giants
Nothing's Gonna Change My Clothes, They Might Be Giants
Picasso's Shoes, Mrs. Fun
Pink Cashmere, Prince
Puka Puka Pants, Petty Booka
Port Starboard Sox, Kate & Anna McGarrigle
Raspberry Beret, Prince & the Revolution
Red Shoes, Tom Waits
The Red Shoes, Kate Bush
Seven Thirty Seven/Shoe Glue, Mighty Mighty Bosstones
A Shine On Your Shoes, Mandy Patinkin
The Shoe's of the Fisherman's Wife Are Some Jive Ass Slippers, Charles Mingus
These Boots Are Made for Walking, Babette's Feast
Shoehorn With Teeth, They Might Be Giants
Silk Hope Rope, Trailer Bride
The Silken Ladder, Gioacchino Rossini
Silly Hat, Blues Clues
The Slacks, Trip Shakespeare
Slit Skirts, Pete Townshend
Something's Jumpin' in Your Shirt, Malcolm McLaren
Soul Dressing, Booker T & the MGs
Stewart's Coat, Rickie Lee Jones
These Are My Glasses, Laurie Berkner
This Hat, Laurie Berkner
Top Hat, White Tie and Tails, Many Patinkin (Irving Berlin)
Turtle Shoes, Bobby McFerrin
Wearing a Raincoat, They Might Be Giants
Where'd You Get Those Pants, Fishbone
You Can Dress 'Em up (But You Can't Take 'Em Out), Mojo Nixon
You Can Leave Your Hat On, Randy Newman
Your New Clothes, John Wesley Harding

"edited to appear as such" is not the same as an actual continuous take

2009-11-17T19:20:00.002-05:00

Wherein guess I need to buy a turkey in a couple days and get a bucket for brining

The businessman's leash. I like bowties but could never tie them myself.
Set himself on fire
ooh, good question. uh, wait, I'm confused. Is it number of states that border both Iowa and Ohio? If so, that answer is zero. Or is it [Iowa border states] + [Ohio border states] = ANSWER. Let's try that. Iowa will be [MN, WS, IL, MO, SD, NE(?)] = 6. And Ohio will be [MI, IN, WV, KY,PA] = 5. Answer is eleven. I've done some one day bicycle rides around the river bluffs of La Crosse, WS. Beautiful country. One ride I never made it down for was a century ride through Wisconsin, Illinois, Iowa, and Minnesota. That part of the Midwest ain't flat.
I think Thich Quang Duc might quarrel with Pangloss. Answer is Candide. I'm pretty sure that once long ago I extensively quoted from Candide and I wanted to link to that post. However, no amount of searching has uncovered it. Maybe it was all a dream.
Wall Street Journal
The Golddigger guy. Good lord, I just finished listening to Rufus Wainwright on Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me and that's the only name I can think of....Almost had it....though a Rufus version might be interesting....but Loudon would probably better....on ~~second~~ third thought, I'd rather hear Martha Wainwright sing it....Kanye West.
Last seven countries to hold the International Rocksteady Glockenspiel championship. Like the America's Cup, the winning country hosts the next competition. After winning the first 10 championships, it is a national disgrace that Jamaica hasn't held the "Ragga" cup since 1987.

Musical rebus #12

2009-11-14T22:11:00.003-05:00

Wherein mentioned in Songs of a botanical nature

Click to enlarge

Songs of a botanical nature

2009-11-13T01:00:00.001-05:00

Wherein searching through my list and skipping the Christmas songs

All Her Favorite Fruit, Camper Van Beethoven
Autumn Leaves, Edith Piaf
Baby Seed, Momma Stud
Banana Boat, Edric Connor
The Banana Boat Song, George Clinton
Banana Boat Song (Day-O)
Banana Chips, Shonen Knife
Banana Juice, The Mar-Keys
Banana Pancakes, Jack Johnson
Belleville Jungle, Les Triplettes De Belleville
Big Apple, Urban Dance Squad
Blackberry Blossom, Michelle Shocked
Bloodflowers, Cure
Blood Roses, Tori Amos
A Blossom Fell, Nat King Cole
Blueberry Hill, Fats Domino
Bluegrass Breakdown, Roy Clark & Buck Trent
Bonny Bunch of Roses, John Wesley Harding
The Briar and the Rose, John Wesley Harding
Cherry Red Wine, Luther Allison
Cocktail Trees, Exene Cervenka
Coconut, Nilsson
Coconut Milk, Bo Dollis & the Wild Magnolias
Coconut Telegraph, Jimmy Buffett
Concrete Jungle, The Specials
Cowboy in the Jungle, Jimmy Buffet
Digging My Potatoes, James Cotton
Field of Dirt, John Doe Thing
Flowers, Camper Van Beethoven
Fruit Salad, The Wiggles
Fruit Salad Salsa, Laurie Berkner
Fruit Tree, Nick Drake
Fruitcakes, Jimmy Buffett
The Garden, PJ Harvey
The Garden of Zephirus, Dead Can Dance
Gardening at Night, R.E.M.
Grapefruit-Juicy Fruit, Jimmy Fruit
Grasslands Chant, The Lion King
Green Buds in the Springtime, DJ Frane
Green Onions, Booket T. & the MG's
Harvest Breed, Nick Drake
Harvester of Hearts, Rufus Wainwright
Heart Full of Leaves, Robyn Hitchcock
Hellflower, Mary's Danish
Holding Out For the Roses, Dayroom
Honey Tree, Trip Shakespeare
Honey Tree Lie, Patrice Pike & Wayne Sutton
Hot Potato, The Wiggles
The House at the Top of the Tree, They Might Be Giants
I Don't Want No 'Sparagus, Mojo Nixon
In Honeysuckle Time, Lonnie McNeil
In the Jungle, Kid Creole & the Coconuts
Juicy Fruit, Rudy Greene
Jungle Beat, George Bruns
Jungle Boogie, Kool & the Gang
Jungle Gym, Jack Johnson & G. Love
The Last Rose of Summer, Tom Waits
Laurel and the Rose, Joan Armatrading
Laying on a Bed of Roses, The Muffs
Lentil, Sia
Lush and Green, Grandpaboy
The Memory of Trees, Enya
Mint Juleps and Needles, Brenda Kahn
Mushroom Maniac, Mojo Nixon
My Little Grass Shack, Lisa Loeb
My Sweet Potato, Booker T & the MG's
Nature Boy, Prudence Johnson
Nectarine (Part One), Mike Doughty
Needle in a Haystack, Belle Stars
Nutmeg, Fishbone
One Tree Hill, U2
The Orange and the Green, The Irish Rovers
Orange Blossom Special, Jimmy Sturr and his Orchestra
Orange Blossoms in California, Irving Berlin
Orange Coloured Sky, Richard Thompson
Oranges, They Might Be Giants
Oranges and Lemons, Disneyland Boys Choir
Peaches and Cream, Beck
Peanuts, Little Joe & The Thrillers
Pineapple Princess, Petty Booka
Ramblin' Rose, Nat King Cole
Raspberry Beret, Prince
Rhubarb Pie, Laurie Berkner
Rockin' in the Jungle, The Eternals
Roisub Dubh (The Small Black Rose), Cherish the Ladies
Rose in the Garden, J.J. Cale
The Rose Tattoo, David Byrne
Roselani Blossoms, Cindy Combs
Rotten Banana Legs, Skankin Pickle
Salt and Cherries (MC5), Wendy & Lisa
Salty Peanuts, Philly Joe Jones
Sassafras Roots, Green Day
Shaking the Tree, Peter Gabriel & Youssou N'Dour
Snap Bean, Li'l Brian & the Zydeco Travelers
Song with Orange, Charles Mingus
Stalk of Wheat, They Might Be Giants
Straw Into Gold, Idina Menzel
Strawberry Fields Forever, Los Fabulosos Cadillacs
Strawberry Jam, Michelle Shocked
Sunflower, Paul Weller
Sweet Pea, Zuzu's Petals
The Three Dogwoods, Nick Charles
Tobacco Road, War
Trees, Marty Casey
Under a Shady Tree, Laurie Berkner
Under the Cherry Moon, Prince
Urn With Dead Flowers In A Drained Pool (Modena), PJ Harvey & John Parish
Valley of Vegetables, Laurie Berkner
Vegetable Omelet, Maggie Estep
Waltz of the Flowers, Tchaikovsky
Weeping Tree, Mary's Danish
White Ginger Blossoms, Alfred Alpaka
Wildwood Flower, D.L. Menard
Willow, Joan Armatrading
Winter Wheat, Michelle Shocked

175 consecutive weeks

2009-11-10T20:54:00.000-05:00

Wherein I'll estimate playing 75 per cent of these

William Tell
The Star Wars guy with the beard. It'll come to me. Also can't remember the name of the phone; I want to call it Drood or Druid. Unless it's some other phone and I'm wronger than wrong. George Lucas.
Cambodia
Ottoman
Chris Everett, Martina Navritolova
That's a classic sounding Swedish/Finnish name so I was about to say 3M. But those bricks made me pause and now I'm thinking Legos.
I've heard the Dylan and Weezer songs, none of the others. No idea, but if you buy the new Weezer album, you can get a Weezer Snuggie.

Ear a la tartarre

2009-11-03T20:20:00.001-05:00

Wherein for #5 whatever movie is being discussed I bet it sucks

bat of the baseball
Marseilles
Robin Hood's merry men
lava
I was going to guess Spaceballs, but since it's character and not movie title I have no guess.
Mexico or Argentina..........Argentina
FACT: They all enjoy the taste of raw human flesh

Come Feel Me Tremble

2009-10-29T22:33:00.001-04:00

Wherein a few quotes from the Paul Westerberg documentary and concert film

"This movie would not be possible without your illegal footage and photographs. Thank you." opening screen of "Come Feel Me Tremble

"I'm open to a good idea. But if a bad idea is more fun, then I'll do the bad idea for the sake of the moment."

One word descriptions of old albums:
Interviewer: Hootenanny?
Paul Westerberg: Theft.
Interviewer: Pleased to Meet Me?
Paul Westerberg: Frightened.
Interviewer: Sorry Ma, Forgot to Take Out the Trash?
Paul Westerberg: Fearless.
Interviewer: Don't Tell a Soul?
Paul Westerberg: Sad.
Interviewer: Let It Be?
Paul Westerberg: Drunk.
Interviewer: Stink?
Paul Westerberg: Says it all right there.
Interviewer: Tim?
Paul Westerberg: Coulda been.
Interviewer: All Shook Down?
Paul Westerberg: Um...hmm...

*****
I shook John Lee Hooker's hand once. It was like shaking a cold fish. Like shaing a dead man's hand.

Once Kurt Cobain and I rode up in an elevator together. Neither one of us said a word to each other.
Guy in background: That's amazing, because I'd think he'd be dying to talk to you.

No...he was dying to be dying and I was dying to be somewhere else. We got off on the same floor and it's like he's in 516 and I'm in 517. It's like it was scripted -- both of us put our keys in, we fumble with them, go in and SLAM the door shut.

**********

It's severe A.D.D. That's why the first take is always the best take and the second take is different because I don't remember what I did the first time. So, I don't remember...my memory is bad when it comes to stuff like that. Sober. Everyone always chalked it up to "too drunk to know" and it's like -- there was some review in Portland, "he was too wasted to play his own songs." Wasted? I just didn't remember the damn things, you know. Something caught my attention and my mind started to think about something else and I forgot I was on stage.