A rock star for people who don't like music
Matt Welch quotes Tony Pierce reviewing the new Bruce Springsteen album. In Matt's comment section are two comments I want to print out, frame, and hang on my wall so ANYONE who walks into my home must read them:
Springsteen has ALWAYS SUCKED.
Repeat after me, ALWAYS SUCKED.
The critics have always drooled on his tiny wiener because they see "Duh Boss" as an idealized, romanticized, rock star version of themselves. The sad truth is that he is exactly that. (Did I mention I hate rock crits, too?)
Posted by COOP at April 30, 2006 11:03 AM
What Coop said! What Coop said! Springsteen is a rock star for people who don't like music. And he's been crazyshit famous for twenty years... He's old and happy and sleeps on 400-thread counts with duvets and vacations in exotic lands and all the rest. Is anyone expecting interesting music for teenagers? People said "Nebraska" was going to be the apex of his midnight authenticity, but even his fans hated that one.
Posted by Crid at May 1, 2006 08:38 PM
What IS this guy's heritage? Is he an Okie, a Jersey punk or (this week) a cajun? People are always so precious about Springsteen and his authenticity, and how his personal perceptions of things are so important, but he never seemed that concerned with MY feelings about things like melody or harmony or musicianship (though the relentless humor of Pink Cadillac excused a multitude of sins).
Posted by Crid at May 3, 2006 12:09 AM
I don't hate Bruuce, I've just never found him to be that interesting. Then there's a large portion of the male population around my age who think cool is listening to either Bruuuce or Sinatra while smoking cigars. These are the same people who insulted swing and jump blues (this country's greatest musical achievement) with the creation of a martini-swilling, Squirrel Nut Zipper-listening kindergarten version of a martini culture.
Indisbutable, inarguable, facts:
- Young Sinatra is better than old Sinatra, but he was a better actor than singer.
- Dean Martin kicks Sinatra's ass and if you think Dean Martin is just a guy holding a drink, you're a punk.
- Mixing alcohol with other alcohol, or God forbid, with something nonalcoholic should only be done on the beach and must include a tiny umbrella as a sign you are drinking satirically (or if making a fashion statement--sartorially).
- Otherwise, it just looks like you don't like the taste of alcohol and are trying to fit in to be cool.
- There is nothing wrong with not liking alcohol. Unapologetically drinking cranberry juice out of a sippy cup is more cool than putting juice in vodka.
- Putting olive or onions in a drink? This isn't a salad bar.
- Nothing more uncool than trying to fit in. Relax and just be.
- I'm sure someone somewhere has written a scholarly paper on the phallic and racially oppressive nature of cigar smoking.
- Nothing Bruuuuce wrote is anymore meaningful or heartfelt than anything Styx wrote. Except for Mr. Roboto; I don't think even Bruuuuuce has done anything as horrible as that. But I'll stack Pieces of Eight up against any Bruuuuuuce album. Just look at Blue Collar Man:
Give me a job, give me security
Give me a chance to survive
I'm just a poor soul in the unemployment line
My God, I'm hardly alive
My mother and father, my wife and my friends
I see them laugh in my face
But I've got the power, and I've got the will
I'm not a charity case
Get Courtney Cox dancing on stage and that shit is the national anthem. And it gets bonus points for not having Bruuuuuuuce's signature "i really need to add more roughage to my diet" grunting.
And besides, Bruuuuuuuuce never did anything as meaningful and artistic as Little Steven's Sun City. Without the backing of the E Street Band, Bruuuuuuuuuce would've been just another struggling Dylan-wannabe troubedour lost in the archives of some local Jersey label that went bankrupt in 1977.
Labels: Springsteen is teh sux