Thursday, May 04, 2006

A rock star for people who don't like music

Wherein I'll calm down by listening to The Muffs

Matt Welch quotes Tony Pierce reviewing the new Bruce Springsteen album. In Matt's comment section are two comments I want to print out, frame, and hang on my wall so ANYONE who walks into my home must read them:
Springsteen has ALWAYS SUCKED.

Repeat after me, ALWAYS SUCKED.

The critics have always drooled on his tiny wiener because they see "Duh Boss" as an idealized, romanticized, rock star version of themselves. The sad truth is that he is exactly that. (Did I mention I hate rock crits, too?)

Posted by COOP at April 30, 2006 11:03 AM

What Coop said! What Coop said! Springsteen is a rock star for people who don't like music. And he's been crazyshit famous for twenty years... He's old and happy and sleeps on 400-thread counts with duvets and vacations in exotic lands and all the rest. Is anyone expecting interesting music for teenagers? People said "Nebraska" was going to be the apex of his midnight authenticity, but even his fans hated that one.

Posted by Crid at May 1, 2006 08:38 PM

What IS this guy's heritage? Is he an Okie, a Jersey punk or (this week) a cajun? People are always so precious about Springsteen and his authenticity, and how his personal perceptions of things are so important, but he never seemed that concerned with MY feelings about things like melody or harmony or musicianship (though the relentless humor of Pink Cadillac excused a multitude of sins).

Posted by Crid at May 3, 2006 12:09 AM


I don't hate Bruuce, I've just never found him to be that interesting. Then there's a large portion of the male population around my age who think cool is listening to either Bruuuce or Sinatra while smoking cigars. These are the same people who insulted swing and jump blues (this country's greatest musical achievement) with the creation of a martini-swilling, Squirrel Nut Zipper-listening kindergarten version of a martini culture.

Indisbutable, inarguable, facts:
  • Young Sinatra is better than old Sinatra, but he was a better actor than singer.
  • Dean Martin kicks Sinatra's ass and if you think Dean Martin is just a guy holding a drink, you're a punk.
  • Mixing alcohol with other alcohol, or God forbid, with something nonalcoholic should only be done on the beach and must include a tiny umbrella as a sign you are drinking satirically (or if making a fashion statement--sartorially).
  • Otherwise, it just looks like you don't like the taste of alcohol and are trying to fit in to be cool.
  • There is nothing wrong with not liking alcohol. Unapologetically drinking cranberry juice out of a sippy cup is more cool than putting juice in vodka.
  • Putting olive or onions in a drink? This isn't a salad bar.
  • Nothing more uncool than trying to fit in. Relax and just be.
  • I'm sure someone somewhere has written a scholarly paper on the phallic and racially oppressive nature of cigar smoking.
  • Nothing Bruuuuce wrote is anymore meaningful or heartfelt than anything Styx wrote. Except for Mr. Roboto; I don't think even Bruuuuuce has done anything as horrible as that. But I'll stack Pieces of Eight up against any Bruuuuuuce album. Just look at Blue Collar Man:
    Give me a job, give me security
    Give me a chance to survive
    I'm just a poor soul in the unemployment line
    My God, I'm hardly alive
    My mother and father, my wife and my friends
    I see them laugh in my face
    But I've got the power, and I've got the will
    I'm not a charity case

    Get Courtney Cox dancing on stage and that shit is the national anthem. And it gets bonus points for not having Bruuuuuuuce's signature "i really need to add more roughage to my diet" grunting.

And besides, Bruuuuuuuuce never did anything as meaningful and artistic as Little Steven's Sun City. Without the backing of the E Street Band, Bruuuuuuuuuce would've been just another struggling Dylan-wannabe troubedour lost in the archives of some local Jersey label that went bankrupt in 1977.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so with you on Bruce. I have never understood his appeal. It's the emporer's new clothes.

5/04/2006 12:37:00 PM  
Blogger cakreiz said...

Bill- found my way here as a commenter on "Done with Mirrors". On Springsteen- ditto. I have a couple of friends who swear by Bruuuuce, especially in concert. I've just never gotten it. And his incessant and never-ending attempts to channel Woody Gutherie are extremely annoying. Styx has held up nicely (Roboto sucked but that DeYoung trying to be artsy). Boston and Steve Miller Band have held up too.

5/04/2006 03:10:00 PM  
Blogger cakreiz said...

Just reread "get Courtney Cox dancing on stage and that shit is the national anthem." I'm still laughing. Nice.

5/04/2006 03:13:00 PM  
Blogger reader_iam said...

Re: Styx

The sound you hear, echoing across the cybermiles, is poor 'Pick, beating his head against the keyboard ... .


5/04/2006 05:40:00 PM  
Blogger XWL said...

Never cared much for Broooooooooooooooooose.

Except for the song he wrote for Patti.

And I like the Frankie Goes to Hollywood cover of Born to Run.

And I like the Max Weinberg Seven.

Plus I like that guy who does that thing on Sopranos.

Plus Clarence could blow some horn.

But, other than that, screw Bruce.

(Everything good about Bruce the band has nothing to do with Bruce the person)

Also, all the folks who are 'in' to Bruce are the biggest dweeby East Coast jerks imaginable.

No act has a worse fan base than the Bruce.

(with the possible exception of Barry Manilow)

5/04/2006 05:51:00 PM  
Blogger bill said...

cakreiz is obviously a person of impeccable taste, I welcome you.

Icepick will just have to deal. And the point of the post is not to talk about how great Styx is, it's that Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuce isn't that great and anyone could easily pick a half dozen acts from the 1970s doing the same shtick. Styx is better than Bruuuuuuuuuuuce, I will say that.

5/05/2006 08:32:00 AM  
Blogger cakreiz said...

I feel welcome. It's also promising to be here for another reason. I once coached my now college-bound daughter's soccer teams. I consider soccer a great sport- even though it wasn't around when I was a kid (not in the midwest at least). So it's very encouraging to see that you're pro-soccer, pro-Styx and lukewarm on Springsteen.

5/05/2006 12:45:00 PM  

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