Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Kenny Chesney is an assclown

Jack Sparks has been too quiet. But the CMA music awards were last night so this day starts with his review of rage and disgust. It's a beautiful thing:
As we gear up for Volume III of my Running Diary of the annual schlockfest known as the Country Music Association Awards, I'm filled with equal parts dread and excitement. Nothing will top last year's work...a rambling screed so vile that not one, but two executives from "Music Row" felt the need to encourage me to perform impossible feats of auto and transitive sexual prowess. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Before we engage the wondrous powers of Dish Network's recording feature, let's examine what we know:
1) Kenny Chesney is an assclown of proportions heretofore unknown to mortal man.
2) Ed Benson is the greedy, Matrix-like "Architect" behind the cash grab in Nashville that has led to shameless spectacles like the one I just know I'm about to watch.
3) Hank Williams, Johnny Cash, and Buck Owens wouldn't walk across the street to piss on any of these people if they were on fire.
4) I'm out of beer, but I have one Newcastle Brown Ale, 2 Dr. Peppers, and a full bottle of Bacardi behind the bar.
Let the games begin...Maestro, the "play" button if you please....

Read the rest...

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