Monday, December 19, 2005

Obscene Christmas song of the day

*this is post #200!*
Not that I spent a lot of time looking for one, but since I was given a CD of South Park Christmas songs, Merry fucking Christmas kinda jumped out at me.

And while I was also given some South Park video, if you've never seen the Spirit of Christmas, or need to download it, Throwing Things provides a link. It's the stirring tale of Jesus looking to explain things to Santa, with Brian Boitano saving the day. The Spirit of Christmas is also the video that started South Park:
It started when a Fox executive they'd met through contacts made at Sundance gave them $2,000 to make a video he could send as a Christmas card. "I did the animation using construction paper cutouts," Parker says, "and we both improvised the dialogue, screaming obscenities at each other in my basement while my mom was baking fudge upstairs. It cost $750 and we pocketed the rest."

I would like to say it's equally profane
Dude, don't say pigfucker in front of Jesus.

And respectful
Stan:Hey, Jesus! You have to understand that Santa is keeping the spirit of your birthday alive by bringing happiness and joy.
Kyle: Yeah. And Santa, you need to remember that if it weren't for Jesus, this day wouldn't even exist!
Santa: You're right kids. I'm sorry Jesus.
Jesus: No, no. It's me who should be sorry. I've been a right bastard. I'm sorry Kringle.

This song isn't from the Spirit of Christmas and because Mr. Garrison is a "right bastard" it doesn't have the timely message of brotherhood exhibited by Santa and Jesus setting aside their differences. Still, it makes me laugh.

Merry fucking Christmas
Mr. Garrison: I heard there is no Christmas
In the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus
They have different religious beliefs

They believe in Muhammad
And not in our holiday
And so every December
I go to the Middle East and say...

"Hey there Mr. Muslim
Merry fucking Christmas
Put down that book the Koran
And hear some holiday wishes.

In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday.
So get off your heathen Muslim ass
and fucking celebrate.

There is no holiday season in India I've heard
They don't hang up their stockings
And that is just absurd!

They've never read a Christmas story.
They don't know what Rudolph is about
And that is why in December
I'll go to India and shout...

Hey there Mr. Hinduist
Merry fucking Christmas
Drink eggnog and eat some beef
And pass it to the missus.

In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday
So get off your heathen Hindu ass
and fucking celebrate!

Now I heard that in Japan
Everyone just lives in sin
They pray to several gods
And put needles in their skin.

On December 25th
All they do is eat a cake
And that is why I go to Japan
And walk around and say...

Hey there Mr. Shintoist
Merry fucking Christmas
God is going to kick your ass
You infidelic pagan scum.

In case you haven't noticed
There's festive things to do
So lets all rejoice for Jesus
And Merry fucking Christmas to you.

On Christmas day I travel `round the world and say,
Taoists, Krishnas, Buddhists, and all you atheists too,
Merry Fucking Christmas, To You!


Anonymous Amy said...

Glad you got to listen to it.

That song is one of the top three favorites I have from the album. I also enjoy "The Driedel Song" and "Swiss Colony Beef Log".

12/19/2005 01:55:00 PM  
Blogger bill said...

A Swiss Colony beef log is the only thing I've ever asked my in-laws for for Christmas.

And every year they give me the 6-inch version. That's not a log, it's a twig. If it can't substitute for a baseball bat it isn't big enough.

12/19/2005 02:50:00 PM  
Blogger reader_iam said...

My mind reeled at the linking of Jesus, Santa, and Brian Boitano together. At that alone.

After that, it's a blur.

As for:

"And every year they give me the 6-inch version. That's not a log, it's a twig. If it can't substitute for a baseball bat it isn't big enough."

I don't want to go there, and believe you me, you don't want me to. TMI.


: )

Word verification: plwcy. If we could just replace the "wc" with an "a" ...

12/19/2005 11:35:00 PM  
Blogger bill said...

Yeah, not much you can do to avoid the single entendres when writing about beef logs. It's the joke better left unspoken because anything said out loud can't be nearly as funny as what everyone is thinking.

12/19/2005 11:43:00 PM  

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