Friday, July 14, 2006

Vodka

Wherein I'm almost out of here

I've noticed a lot of chatter about vodka. You might think this could happen organically and just be a coincidence. But you would be wrong and naive. As everything is a part of a greater conspiracy, we must assume that each of these people have been coopted by the vodka and potato cartels to wean ourselves off the superior American grains and barley.

None of these people are to be trusted.

  • Let's Drink Vodka Moderately. It's really about Mongol celebration of Genghis Khan, but Vodka is in the title and that's what most people will read. Let's drink vodka! Why, yes, let's!
  • Michael Ruhlman wants you to think it's all about not putting vodka in a martini. A clear example of subliminal programming. A careful reading reveals that "vodka" is mentioned 35 times. vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka. After awhile, vodka is all you see. I'm on to you Ruhlman--toadie of the tundra.
  • Even James Lileks is part of the vodka cabal. In one paragraph, "vodka" is used seven times and three different brand names are presented for our pleasure. What does that 7 mean? Well, if you autosummarize that paragraph seven times, you are left with the following message: Happy at home. Clearly, despite whatever he says about grass clippings and tequila, what burrows into your brain is "Vodka makes you happy at home." I'm on to you too, Mr. almost but not quite living in Edina but still close enough to be called a cake-eater Lileks.
  • Interestingly, Lileks mentions vodkapundit, the one person you'd think would be talking about vodka but isn't. It's all subterfuge and misdirection. Let's take a look at what he is talking about: Auburn, Rumors, and the New York Times. Oh geez, he's whining about an investigation that maybe shows SEC football players are a little creative in their lack of actual school work. If there's anything more annoying and headache inducing than an SEC fan, I have yet to encounter it. The only cure is the sweet, sweet pull of vodka straight from the freezer.

I believe that you can reach the point where there is no longer any difference between developing the habit of pretending to believe and developing the habit of believing. Foucault's Pendulum

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