Monday, July 03, 2006

Being English on July 4

Wherein Davies had yet to see the English muff their penalty kicks

Michael Davies, writing for ESPN, contemplates degrees of nationalistic antagonism:
I have lived in the United States for seventeen of my forty years. Many British born, revolutionary war generals had lived in the colonies far less long when they took up the rebel cause and led battalions of farmers armed with pitchforks against the British crown -- or rather the thousands of German mercenaries the German King of Britain had sent to the New World to defend the colonies against the troublesome mob who refused to pay taxes to him.

I am a patriot. I can never give up my allegiance to the British Crown which paid for my primary school education, to have my appendix removed and not only my entire college tuition, but gave me about $2000 a year to spend on beer and haggis at the University of Edinburgh. To this day I pay vast amounts of taxes in the US and yet have no vote (plenty of taxation without representation). I love America, and would have loved it back in 1775. But I have no idea whose side I would have been on in Operation Yankee Freedom. Given a chance to take a pot shot at a German soldier with a musket, though, it might have been a difficult opportunity to pass up.

It was a long time ago, that pesky revolutionary war thing. And though I have no doubt, we would have done horrible job running your country (and your teeth would be horrible) -- it still kind of hurts.

But you, lot, do seem to like the English (who you fought against) a lot more than you like the French (who were on your side). Most of you, though, are not nearly anti-German enough. So I imagine it's going to be difficult for you to understand the true depth of my sadness at the Germans having beaten Argentina today.

I think Germany and France are playing the best ball right now, and I also think the trophy is Germany's to lose. However, due to my poor performance in picking 2nd round games, I have fallen down the ranks of the office pool. My only shot to get back in is to pick against the frontrunner. Therefore, in a craven effort to win $70, I have selected Italy and Portugal.

2 Comments:

Blogger Icepick said...

But you, lot, do seem to like the English (who you fought against) a lot more than you like the French (who were on your side).

The French monarchy was on our side. The French people cut the heads off our allies, so fuck 'em!

Most of you, though, are not nearly anti-German enough.

That's because huge numbers of us have German blood in our veins. Has this guy really been in the States that long?

7/03/2006 04:31:00 PM  
Blogger bill said...

He does produce game shows, if you also want to hold that against him.

7/03/2006 08:01:00 PM  

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