Monday, August 13, 2007

With all due respect, maybe y'all could get thee to Bartleby and pick the bones of another author

Wherein I could probably make this a regular feature


In our previous example of clichéd laziness, Justkim (A Musing Time) left the following comment:
Today I heard an ad on the radio for a hair salon chain. I'm not kidding even a little bit when I tell you that the ad closed with :And to quote Shakespeare, 'Get thee to a Hair Cuttry!'." I winced.

I bet we can find more.

  • Traveling in Italy and need a place to stay? Get thee to a nunnery

  • Isn't the Pacific Northwest cold and wet? Nevermind, Get Thee to a Beach!
  • It's The Imaginary Invalid, meaning it's Moliere, meaning it's French. Why not quote Shakespeare: Get thee to a funnery!

  • It's a horoscope, so it isn't nice to make fun of the retarded...unless they deserve it: CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): This is a wonderful day for high finance. Get thee to a bank. Sign contracts, do deals, make loans, go for a mortgage, settle insurance claims, and deal with shared property and the like. Gifts and goodies can come your way! Share the wealth!

  • Tell a carefree 12-year-old to strap on...whoa there buddy! That'll teach me to read the Christian Science Monitor at work. Oh, it's an article about racing-- Amateur car racing. At least the reporter let's us know he's an English grad...or read the Cliff Notes...or glanced at the playbill when that bitch of an ex-girlfriend dragged him to Shakespeare in the park: Drive feather-footed and you sip fuel. Still, ever wonder what your bone-stock Infiniti, Ford, Kia, or Audi can do? Get thee to a private racetrack.

  • Need some berries in Oregon? It's already proving to be a fabulous berry year, so get thee to a farmers' market and load up so you can prepare any of the following treats at home.

  • Other reading beyond Harry? Sure, and there's other authors to steal from besides the bard: If not, get thee to a library!

  • Always best to admit your mistakes, John: Whether 'tis nobler to shake the hand of a cheat who I helped get away with cheating for years or to finally stand up and say, "ENOUGH!" Get thee to a nunnery that day rather than a ballpark!

    Apologies to Shakespeare.


  • If you have a subscription with TheStreet.com, you could be reading If you've been skeptical about the health of the economy and retail stocks, grab your yoga mat and your wallet and get thee to a lululemon store.

  • I'd just like to add that Dr. Sandy sounds like an ass: First of all, recognize your feelings for what they are — grief. Then get thee to a support group.

  • This is why I don't gamble (anymore...again). I took the over (4.5) on reporter Pat Reavy mentioning Utah 5 times in his Tesla review. So what happens? He writes "Utah" four times and "Beehive state" once. And now I'm out $500 and The Child will just have to wait until next week for new school supplies. Attention aspiring guitar-based rock bands: Get thee to a Tesla show and take notes.

4 Comments:

Blogger James said...

I believe you've spotted a snowclone.

8/13/2007 06:51:00 PM  
Blogger bill said...

First I've heard of snowclones. I guess my first would be one of my first blogposts, Any sufficently advanced, a list of all the different versions of "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic" I could find.

8/13/2007 08:24:00 PM  
Blogger XWL said...

"With all due respect"

What respect have these Shakespeare mangling hacks earned?

8/14/2007 06:45:00 PM  
Blogger bill said...

Consider it a misguided effort to cut back on profanity.

8/15/2007 08:02:00 AM  

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