Monday, November 27, 2006

Barbie doesn't seem like such a bad role model

Wherein I should make a table/chart, with graphics, of the MY Little Pony comparison bullets

Strawberry Shortcake's sapphic paradise. Strawberry Shortcake and her friends—Apple Dumplin, Ginger Snap, Coco Calypso, to name a few—live in an Amazonian wonderland that would make Wonder Woman jealous. Occassionally a male figure is present, but he often serves as nothing more than manual labor. Let's look at a typical episode, The Mystery of Seaberry Shore. Strawberry and friends take a pleasant cruise to Seaberry Beach to meet the exotic, but reclusive Coco Calypso. The mystery turns out to be a shy mermaid—Seaberry Delight. Playing matchmaker, Strawberry finds a way to get Coco and Seaberry together and the two soulmates live happily ever after. Doesn't really fall in the "bad role model" category. It's a pleasant show of attractive females living in harmony and finding that males are sometimes useful.

Dora the Explorer needs a hearing aid. Join Dora in an adventure as she shouts bilingually at your children and never says "please" or "thank you" in any language. My personal belief is that she's at least partially deaf. And that perhaps the entire show takes place at a camp for special needs children. Benny the bull is a dead-ringer for Benny from L.A. Law.

A frequent nemesis to Dora's outings is Swiper the Fox. He's basically the spoiled child with no friends who only takes other's toys for attention. But as we see in Berry Hunt, Dora has no problems sneaking into Swiper's yard and stealing all his blueberrys. That's Dora for you: loud, rude, and morally ambiguous.

My Little Pony is not quite as skanky as Bratz. What more can I say about the stripper ponies?
  • Stripper names? Check: Paradise, Cherries Jubilee, Lickety Split, Galaxy, Morning Glory.
  • Garish ass tattooes? check
  • Neon makeup with criminal use of eye shadow? Obviously

Not to be overlooked is that often times the stories involved putting on a "show" on a "stage" with "costumes." Hubba hubba. I have no objections to adults who wish to strip for a living, it just seems strange to market an entire line of toys and stories to little girls that are nothing but the backstage antics of exotic dancers. Primary goal for fathers of daughters is to "Keep them off the pole" and these things aren't helping.

Update: the2scoops piles on:
I never quite put it together before, but it all fits: the proliferation of "tramp stamp" tattoos in the 90s is in direct correllation to the popularity of My Little Pony in the 80s.


Blogger reader_iam said...

This, in combination with the2scoops post, is hilarious. It instantly reminded me of an exchange with my son, half a lifetime (his) ago. I'm still giggling intermittently.

Linked (both).

11/28/2006 03:22:00 PM  

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