"The absolute least expensive method of exercise available for all income groups above the poverty line"

Wherein since it's less expensive than "a 30 minute walk outside" and I wouldn't want anyone to think we live below the poverty line I should probably order a dozen


If this had been Games magazine and I was reading the April issue, my first assumption would have been I'd found the fake ad. But it's Outside magazine, the month is February, and this $14,615 piece of exercise equipment is real. Exercise in exactly 4 minutes per day with the The ROM Time Machine. It sure does look interesting and he's right, the amount of time needed for a satisfactory cardiovascular doesn't have to be 20-45 minutes. But I think it would be hard to find a product website that was more defensive and angry in its sales pitch.

There's always a conspiracy and experts are always wrong:

EXPERTS KILL A LOT OF ROM SALES
When finally some people are seriously interested in renting or buying a ROM machine and they have no problem with the price, they would still want to make certain that they are not making a big mistake and they would like to have the advice from an “EXPERT” such as a personal trainer or a doctor. Not to anyone’s surprise these “EXPERTS” will immediately declare that there is no such thing as a 4 minute workout. These "experts" reason that, if there were such a thing as a 4 minute workout, that they would certainly know about it, in fact they think that the whole World would know about it. Such is the circle reasoning of most experts in all fields of knowledge. Experts kill a lot of ROM sales. That leads to lower number of sales, leading to higher manufacturing and sales cost. Experts are www.GuardiansOfTheStatusQuo.com in all fields of expertise.

Warnings: Don't drink coffee during your 4 minutes and "Normal stepladders cause much injury and some deaths, the ROM machine is more dangerous than a stepladder."

Did I mention experts are the opposite of right? A list of always wrong experts and gutless journalism.

This isn't the oddest piece of exercise equipment I've recently seen. Just this weekend at Dick's Sporting Goods I came across some sort of vibration plate thingy. I don't remember it being $9,000, but it looked something like this. This was new to me, so I hopped on and pushed a button. And was grateful I had no fillings in my mouth. It rattled the bejeezus out of me and I only lasted 10 seconds. Who the hell would use something like this? Oh, Madonna. Nevermind. Do you remember Samuel L. Jackson's character in Unbreakable? This machine would reduce his bones to a pile of dust.

Among other things I've attempted to simplify is exercising and something new I've been working with is a Kettlebell. If you want a full-body workout with cardiovascular results, try a handful of kettlebell swings. Basically deep squats while flinging iron. Kinda fun, as long as you don't lose your grip and let it go flying through the wall or the television. Enter the Kettlebell is an excellent introduction, breaking down the moves step by step. Also can search youtube for examples. Around here, Kettlebells run about $2 a pound. Then there's the Kettlestack. Since I wasn't sure what weight to start at and wasn't looking forward to filling up the garage with a variety of cannonballs, this has been an excellent purchase. Using free weight plates I already had, I build a kettlebell to any size I want. It loses some of the compactness of an actual kettlebell, but the convenience more than makes up for it.