Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Additional thoughts on WDW

Wherein I hope that's the last trip for a long while

Hall of Presidents, I finally caught. Biggest disappointment since last year's ride on Soarin'. But in both cases the fault is mine for not paying attention to the promotional material. I thought the Hall of Presidents involved walking around and picking which presidents one wanted to listen to. Instead, there's a theater that probably seats a thousand or so and a stage filled with all the presidents. There's a film strip presentation focusing on the continental congress allowed slavery to continue and then how Lincoln walked the country convincing all that slavery was bad. After that, all the presidents are introduced -- all with animatronic nods and twitches -- then Bush (the current) speaks, followed by Lincoln. Que exit. That's it? That's what I've waited 38 years to see? Bah Humbug. Now if someone creates a Hall of the Mountain Kings then I'm there.

Cinderella's Evil Step-sisters. Nice to see Disney rolling out some of the villians. Waiting for Belle's Storytime, the step-sisters were out for photos and autographs. Clearly having a more open policy towards comments and interactions than the princesses, the step-sisters were very funny and displayed a professional knack for improve. The villains get to have all the fun.

Speaking of Improv. Not the best Mad Hatter we'd seen and Alice looked like she wished he'd just shut the hell up. I concurred.

What's up with the Peter Pan ride? Wait times are about double nearby rides. When it was 40 minutes, Snow White, Small World, and Haunted Mansion were all 10-20 minutes. I'm guessing it's because of the flying ship size. Even though it's a moving sidewalk entry, each car only holds 2-3 people. Compared to the similar Snow White Scary Adventure, whose cars, even though they stop and start for loading, hold 8-12. Still, flying over London is one of my favorite moments in the entire park. Strategy: fastpass Peter Pan and knock off 3-4 other things while you wait. Similarly, instead of suffering heatstroke waiting for the Dumbo ride, go do Aladdin's Magic Carpet ride.

Best place for a nap: Mickey's PhilharMagic or Carousel of Progress. Despite having a couple of jerky turns, the People Mover gets an honorable mention for its length. If at EPCOT, the Golfball ride is best since the Siemans' renovations have removed any scenes from the second half of the ride.

Exhibit that could use a little napalm: Country Bear Jamboree. The Jamboree's continued horribleness has no explanation. The crowds are small and I've never heard anyone laugh. Perhaps the release of The Princess and the Frog will give Disney an excuse to ditch the hick bears and put in a New Orleans' jazz club. Screw the frontier theme.

Best place to escape the sun/rain and have a snack. The exit for the Tiki Room. It's a large covered exit and near the end it has low brick walls perfect for sitting. Well shaded, picks up a nice breeze, and you get a burst of cool air every time the crowd lets out. We grabbed some food and hung out there for about 30 minutes waiting for a thunderstorm to pass.

Best tantrum not thrown by The Child: Red-faced child (9-10 years old) at EPCOT screaming "IT'S NOT FAIR!"

Best tantrum not thrown by Our Child's parents. After the father says something about a nearby water fountain because their children look thirsty, the mother yells: are you fucking stupid? That's why we have water bottles. You do not drink from the fountains. I should have followed these people with a microphone.

Best reason to punch someone in the face not taken advantage of. At the front of the line for the trams we missed a spot because of the motherfucking assholes who shoved their way past us like this was the last motherfucking helicopter out of motherfucking Saigon. Still another 30 minutes before the park would even open. I hope all you people die very soon and very painfully. Motherfuckers. And these weren't children or teenagers, these were grown ass adults.

Grown ass adults. One way to review the week was as an unpleasant festival of tube tops and bad tattoos.

Thank God for England. It's 95 degrees, we're at EPCOT and The Child is riding NEMO with the grandparents. Watch as The Wife and I slam pints of cider at the England beer stand.

Thank God for Teutonic blondes. While the England beer stand was always staffed by cute British guys, the German beer stand was always staffed by lovely Teutonic gals (and had much longer lines).

America in decline. There's an amphitheater in front of EPCOT's America and last week's music was provided by a U2 cover band. It was too horrible to photograph. However, just imagine an aged and out of shape Ben Stiller doing a bored Bono impression and it's like you're in the front row. Come to think of it, I have no proof that it wasn't Ben Stiller.

France. I think they're showing the original movie when EPCOT first opened. All the workers looked like French college students who probably thought spending the summer in America would be fun and were about two days from realizing this was a decision they'd regret for the rest of their lives. On the other hand, the pastries were tasty.

Mexico. Did you know that everyone in Mexico wears sombreros, plays in a Mariachi band and works in a lovely seaside resort? Then again, I've never been to Mexico, so maybe this is accurate.

China. I don't remember what we said about China, but we laughed.

Norway. The Viking boat ride is fun and the pickled herring in tomato sauce was yummo.

Haunted Mansion. They've nicely scarified the place up a bit. But the graveyard segment either needs more light or some contrast. Couldn't make out half the stuff in there.


Blogger Outis said...

France. I think they're showing the original movie when EPCOT first opened. All the workers looked like French college students who probably thought spending the summer in America would be fun and were about two days from realizing this was a decision they'd regret for the rest of their lives. On the other hand, the pastries were tasty.

They are, in fact, showing the original movie in the French pavilion as when the park opened. (Sometimes I think they're showing the same print.) Just as well, as these days those lovely scenes in the markets would have to be replaced by scenes of North Africans burning cars.

And your description of the people working the French pavilion is correct. That's typically how all of the pavilions in the World Showcase are staffed.

BTW I'm sorry I didn't get out to meet you, but I would have been terrible company in any event.

6/19/2008 01:50:00 AM  
Blogger bill said...

No problem. By the time you called we were all quite grumpy and I swear the schedule was changed about every 20 minutes. Also, didn't get your message until Sunday as I forgot the charger and the phone sometime Wednesday.

6/19/2008 01:22:00 PM  
Blogger bill said...

I forgot to add that we all enjoyed the new Toy Story ride at Disney Studios. I scored 128,000 points and The One-Arm Child scored 65,000 (with The Wife aiming for her).

6/19/2008 01:24:00 PM  

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