Lame title

Wherein lamer digression


1. butterflies; also Appendixes H-J of the Kama Sutra
2. Woody Allen
3. no clue
4. Rooster
5. oh, the Rangers
6. no clue
7. All are more interesting than Bruuuuuce Springsteen. But he said "unusual distinction," so I withdraw my answer.

Beautiful words should be immortalized

Wherein Benner I luv yu man wait are you a man Hell, if you're a woman I luv yu twice as much

Benner, commenting at ALOTT5MA on a new Kennedy Center honoree:

Bruce Springsteen. Not deserving in the least. For all the records he's sold, he is one of the least influential artists on the scene. Musically, he's essentially conservative and, basically, boring. Lyrically, he's a more literal Bob Dylan whose occasional forays into metaphor territory end terribly badly, a la "Born to Run." He's brought a lot of people happiness, for certain, but he hasn't done a single thing to contribute to the arts or culture, qua arts and culture. At least Little Steven has the underground radio show, for example. And the very notion of a lifetime award means he's getting at least partial credit for "Lucky Town" (album and album cover).

Take a little off the top

Wherein name the theme


The Jokers, Song of Delilah


Nat King Cole, Song of Delilah
no video, here's the audio

Regina Spektor, Samson

 
Des'ree and Babyface, Fire



The Judds, Let Me Tell You About Love (not sung by The Judds)


Bad Manners, Samson & Delilah


Van Stephenson, Modern Day Delilah

Short cuts: NY Times

Wherein January 30
 

Curling:

“No, we’re going to Bismarck. But it should be fun.”

Chong:

“You had someone knocking on your cell, ‘Time to get up,’ ” he recalled. “Instead of being on the set, you’ve got to be counted.”

Sounds like research thought of while listening to Cheech and Chong records:

After analyzing more than 300 depictions of walking animals in museums, veterinary books and toy models, the researchers report that in almost half of them the leg positions are wrong.

OH MY GOD!!! That looks amazing!:

...massive torpedo-shaped amalgamation of two pounds of bacon woven through and around two pounds of sausage and slathered in barbecue sauce...

Calm down, jackass; you're no Bob Seger:

“I realized, I do love those big sweeping melodies and the romanticism, and I haven’t allowed myself much of it in the past

I think America lost its innocence when we witnessed Justin Timberlake touch a woman, any woman

Wherein learned earlier this week from somewhere else this web publication exists I loved the Smith/Strausbaugh NY Press


Nick Gillespie is interviewed and speaks truth to power about THE BRUUUUUUUUUCE:

ST: Are you as appalled as me that Bruce Springsteen, that Philip Berrigan kind of liberal who eschews materialism, is playing the half-time show at the Super Bowl?

NG: Why Springsteen? Is Gary Glitter still stuck in Thailand? Is Buddy Holly not returning the NFL's phone calls?

I grew up in Monmouth County, New Jersey, which contains both Springsteen's hometown (Freehold) and his early haunt (Asbury Park), so I can't stand him in the same way that only a New Yorker can really, really hate the Yankees. I'll say this much about the Boss: His output over the past 25 years or so would make even Beethoven nostalgic for the first few albums. Springsteen is in that elite group of rock stars who have objectively sucked two, three, or even four times longer than they were ever any good (are you listening Sting, David Bowie, R.E.M., Patti Smith?). That, and in the video for "Glory Days," he had the worst fake baseball throwing arm since Gary Cooper in Pride of the Yankees. Which is saying something.

Watching Springsteen perform at the Super Bowl—and before him, rock mummies like Tom Petty and Rolling Stones—let's just say I'd rather go straight to the Bodies exhibition, where at least no one is pretending that the corpses on display aren't actually dead.

The usual topics

Wherein things have been quiet around here, so I thought this would help

• Bacon
  
• Neal Stephenson
  
• Richard Blais
  
• Your favorite band is lame
  
• Your favorite politician is disappointing
  
• Bruce Springsteen still not that interesting
  
• Yard work
  
• Cheap cars
  
• Disney
  
• Lack of interaction with ocean breeze
  
• Threw away the kite catalog due to item immediately preceding this one
  
• Notice to restaurants: Stop putting lemons in my tea or water. I am finished complaining about this and all future attempts to serve me lemonade will result in the drink being returned with a rude comment.
  
• My interest in the Final Four is low
  
• Come to think of it, my interest in just about anything at this time doesn't rise above low
  
• Quote from a book
  
• Lyrics from a song
  
• Interestingly, I've been thinking of Peter Weir movies. I agree with just about all of this, especially the less said about "Green Card" and "Dead Poets Society," the better.
  
• More bacon
  
• Snow Crash nearly sold out
  
• If my math is correct, this special edition of Snow Crash will gross $75,500. Subtract the publisher's cut and the illustrator's commission and it's still a nice bonus for a 16-year-old novel still in print. A number of authors seem to pick up some decent spare change using Subterranean special editions to supplement mass market publishing. Add to that a number of musicians (at least 2 I know of) who are asking their fans to help subsidize their careers and I wonder if we're seeing the dawning of a system of collaborative patronage. This is an idea I might write more on.
  
• See also, Stephenson on Beowulf and Dante writers, question #2
  
• Just waiting for the next generation of iPods
  
• Ken Jennings
  
• Suffering Lost withdrawal
  
• The Robert Plant/Allison Krauss collaboration isn't bad. I've heard two songs and I enjoyed them. Probably not enough to buy the CD, but the quality does exceed the freak factor of the pairing.
  
• Reviewing a little used gaming system; true: The physics system is note-perfect (often at the expense of playability)
  
• List of white guys who are funky is a post I decided not to do because I couldn't elevate it from pointless-stupid to pointless-stupid-and-almost-funny. Part of it might have asked what qualified as funk as opposed to soul or blues. For me, I think it starts with the bass.
  
• Who wrote this document—Dr. Seuss? Yes, you may explain this funny animal parenthetically regardless of the lack of previous explanation. And maybe you should hire a cartoonist to illustrate.
  
• Bacon

anyone with half a brain can see (or research) how f'ing stupid bill's comment was

Wherein that was almost as much fun as being called a fame whore. If I had any room I'd add it to my header

From some guy/gal who calls him/herself Heger (like hater?):

“Sorry to get all "partisan", but anyone with half a brain can see (or research) how f'ing stupid bill's comment was. Whatever your "feeling" is about global warming, denying Gore's long-time commitment is, well, f'ing retarded. Thanks for bringing the conversation down a level.

If that was a "sign" I'd take a "picture" of it and "submit" to the the "blog" of "unnecessary" quotation marks. We've reached the point where Al Gore has been annointed with infallibility. Kinda like the Pope, Mohammed, and Springsteen. Reasonable people can disagree but there are too many bomb-strapped psychotics running around making most conversations pointless. For the record, thinking Gore was a lukewarm to poor choice for the Nobel Peace Prize doesn't have to have anything to do with global warming, politics, or personal opinion of Al Gore. It might, then again you could be wrong. Talk about group think.

Earlier, I pulled a quote about Bruce Springsteen (no worries, I'm alternating ice and heating pads and should be up in another day). I think it needs some editing:

Al Gore is no longer a politician. He's a belief system. And, like any belief system worth its salt, he brooks no in-between. You're either in or you're out. This has solidified Al's standing with his base, for whom he remains a god of total scientific and political authenticity. But it's killed him with everyone else. To a legion of devout nonbelievers—they're not saying Gore, they're saying Bore—Gore is more a phenomenon akin to Dianetics or Tinkerbell. And so we've reached a strange juncture. About America's last honest politician, it's either Pentecostal enthusiasm or total disdain.

And because it amused me and contains at least a tablespoon or two of truth, Poppy Z. Brite:

“It will come as no surprise to anyone that I've not seen An Inconvenient Truth and have no plans to do so, since movies in general are anathema to me. As well, ever since making the horrible, horrible mistake of subjecting myself to Bowling for Columbine in a theater, I will not risk seeing any movie with an even vaguely liberal bent on the big screen. Even though most of my own sociopolitical views tend toward the liberal, I'm afraid the smug, self-satisfied, we're-so-right-and-they're-so-evil audience giggles and commentary will cause me to (A) snap and begin randomly stabbing people or (B) be beaten to death with a raw carrot for my increasingly loud mutterings about tofu, body odor, and the effects of protein deprivation on the human brain. Conservative movies would probably have a similar or worse effect on me, were I to see them with their own sympathetic audiences, and guns are more dangerous than raw carrots. I don't care for party lines of any sort, but what I really hate are propagandists who take for granted -- as Michael Moore seems to -- that all right-thinking people are on their side and everyone else is a tool of Satan.

Back to Mr. Gore: on the one hand, I'm glad someone is apparently calling such major attention to global warming, which seems a real and obvious danger. On the other hand, after seeing the thing, several friends have sent me hysterical e-mails telling me to OMGBBQ GET OUT OF NEW ORLEANS AND MOVE TO A MOUNTAINTOP NOW BEFORE YOU DROWN AIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!111111one!!!!!!!, which makes me reflexively think of the movie as somewhat "alarmist," since most of these people should know me well enough to know I will never leave New Orleans and would rather drown here than live anywhere else. (Someone out there is muttering, "I hope you do, bitch," but they'll miss me when I'm gone.)

Looks like Kottke had a few people show him their ass:

“Man, you folks are testy today. When I say that Gore won a Nobel Prize for a Powerpoint presentation (again, "essentially"), I'm not being derogatory towards Gore. I like Gore...I've written several posts about him. But whatever his other accomplishments regarding the environment, he won the Nobel for An Inconvenient Truth. No movie, no prize. Period. Suppose someone had told you two years ago that someone would win a Nobel Peace Prize for a Hollywood film of a Powerpoint presentation...you'd have laughed in their face and every other part of their body!

If Gore started a dance craze could we call the algorithm?

Added October 16: Daniel Drezner asks: This is a serious question -- for those non-American readers out there, was Al Gore the reason you began to think about global warming? . In the comments, echoing both XWL and me, a Joe M. writes:

“
Gore was VP for 8 years and did not make a single significant move to address climate change. Even, the Clinton/Gore administration did not even attempt to pass the Kyoto Protocol and signed the treaty in the dead of night on the last day of their administration. It is totally sickening that Gore is now seen as someone who is effecting the debate, when he was so hollow as VP. As was mentioned above, all he does now is fly in private jets back and forth to his appointments to show his lame slide show. His movie was more self-aggrandizement than it was a serious discussion of climate change. Gore is a propagandist, plain and simple. And I am someone who deeply believes in the need to address climate change, i just think Gore is full of it.

So when the Nobel Committee gives Gore the prize, it is obviously for publicity, not for accomplishments. There are thousands of people and NGOs who have been working on the ground for decades to make this issue a priority. People who have serious accomplishments to their credit. Even Tony Blair did more in England to lower their carbon emmissions and to set the UK on a green path than Gore's stupid slide show. Or how about Joschka Fischer of the German greens, who forced windmills and environmental policy on the biggest European economy? Or green groups like Friends of the Earth and/or Greenpeace... There are thousands of people who have serious accomplishments. That they gave the award to Gore (I agree with the IPCC part) is a sign that either 1) they did it as a publicity stunt, 2) they are pandering to the USA, or 3) they are complete idiots. I lean toward a hybrid of all three though. It is quite sad indeed.

Fragments

Wherein sitting in the lobbies at gymnastics and ballet I thought what a wonderful place for straight teenage boys to hang out with teenage girls, what with all the tight, physique revealing clothes and especially the intimate contact of ballet. Then I also thought that being straight teenage boys, and the struggle for certain mind over body concerns, that intimate contact while also wearing tight, physique revealing clothes could raise occassional issues

• reader_iam (Done with Mirrors) links to the The Beiderbecke Affair. I'll link to his mix of cover songs that runs the gamut of ironic to earnest, whimsical to serious.
  
• Even though the participation in 10 songs in 60 seconds was extremely disappointing, I've posted the answers.
  
• In Separated by common visages I've figured out why Chick Fil A isn't open on Sundays.
  
• Due to various threads at ALOTT5MA I've resolved to ignore all future posts (there and elsewhere) about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (The Replacements don't even make the nominating ballot? Scew you Cleveland and anyone and anything having to do with this scam) and Bruce Springsteen (being a nonbeliever). From Slate.com:
  

  “ Thirty years later, and largely thanks to Landau, Springsteen is no longer a musician. He's a belief system. And, like any belief system worth its salt, he brooks no in-between. You're either in or you're out. This has solidified Bruce's standing with his base, for whom he remains a god of total rock authenticity. But it's killed him with everyone else. To a legion of devout nonbelievers—they're not saying Bruuuce, they're booing—Bruce is more a phenomenon akin to Dianetics or Tinkerbell than "the new Dylan," as the Columbia Records promotions machine once hyped him. And so we've reached a strange juncture. About America's last rock star, it's either Pentecostal enthusiasm or total disdain.

  
  
• Tosy and Cosh has revealed 99 of his top 100 movies.
  
• Discussing the Zune scene I'm kinda incomprehensible.
  
• I'm sure he's listened to it, so did I miss XWL reviewing the new Prince album or did it suck and he's ignoring it?
  
• Saw Stardust, the movie. Loved it. Then read the Neil Gaiman book. Not that good. Every change the movie made improved the story.
  
• Boston cops almost as bad as Illinois Nazis. At least as incompetent. Hyperbole much? Maybe a little.
  
• Kid Creole & the Coconuts in L.A. (10/03/07). Would have loved to have seen that.
  
• Tonight I will probably watch The Next Iron Chef. Michael Ruhlman was one of the judges.
  
• Tim Minear's new project:
  

  “"Miracle" -- from 20th Century Fox TV, where Minear and Holland are based with overall deals -- centers on a disgraced former televangelist, a man of no faith, who finds that God is using him to perform real miracles and change lives, starting with his own.
  
  "It's about losing everything and starting over and finding that there is a higher purpose in life," Minear said. "It's about a man who says, 'I don't know how to be good, but I'll try to be better.'

  
  Sounds like Steve Martin's ham-handed Leap of Faith. Or at least the final 10 minutes of the movie when it finally became something interesting. (via Instapundit)
  
• I think I caught all the typos. Or most of them. This keyboard has always been crappy and most of this was written in the dark. Yes, I'm blaming the keyboard.
  
• You light that pipe

I've returned

Wherein what the hell happened here?


You think you know someone....Oh well, let that be a lesson--no more guest bloggers. Too much to clarify, so I'll just ignore most of what I just read. However, a couple points worth mentioning:

1. Anyone who knows me knows I wouldn't go to a company picnic. Too many people and I'm paid to work with those people, I'm not paid to grace them with my presence.
   
2. Styx is better than Bruuuuce Springsteen--I think we've proven that--Amy just picked the wrong song.
   
3. What's up with the Spam hate? I've never understood that. It's "spiced ham" and mostly made from pork shoulder. Probably has more pork in it than a hot dog. When you get right down to it, Spam is basically a production version of Pate de Campagne, a country-style pate or terrine. Probably the simplest pate to make and liver is optional. If you come acros a deli selling a country pate, have a bite. You'll be surprised how much like Spam it tastes like. I almost claimed I've never cooked with Spam (other than pan-fried), but that would be wrong. I once made cranberry mincemeat pies with Spam and served them to some "friends" (ahem, Amy) who joked about my apple pie.
   
4. You want a tater tot recipe? Here's my breakfast casserole: 1. Butter a pie pan 2. dump a single layer of tater tots into pan 3. Cover with cheese, meats, vegetable, whatever you like 4. Beat 6 or 7 or maybe 8 eggs, pour over everything else 5. (optional) Before beating the eggs, separate a couple white and beat separately until frothy, fold into beaten eggs 6. Bake until set, about 30-40 minutes, slice and eat.
   
5. Reader_iam's husband's band. I won't give you their name, I'll just say they're a cover band for this band. If you hurry, you can catch them at St. Augustine tonight. I'm just glad we left early.
   
6. And Artie was an ass, good riddance.

A rock star for people who don't like music

Wherein I'll calm down by listening to The Muffs


Matt Welch quotes Tony Pierce reviewing the new Bruce Springsteen album. In Matt's comment section are two comments I want to print out, frame, and hang on my wall so ANYONE who walks into my home must read them:

Springsteen has ALWAYS SUCKED.

Repeat after me, ALWAYS SUCKED.

The critics have always drooled on his tiny wiener because they see "Duh Boss" as an idealized, romanticized, rock star version of themselves. The sad truth is that he is exactly that. (Did I mention I hate rock crits, too?)

Posted by COOP at April 30, 2006 11:03 AM

What Coop said! What Coop said! Springsteen is a rock star for people who don't like music. And he's been crazyshit famous for twenty years... He's old and happy and sleeps on 400-thread counts with duvets and vacations in exotic lands and all the rest. Is anyone expecting interesting music for teenagers? People said "Nebraska" was going to be the apex of his midnight authenticity, but even his fans hated that one.

Posted by Crid at May 1, 2006 08:38 PM

What IS this guy's heritage? Is he an Okie, a Jersey punk or (this week) a cajun? People are always so precious about Springsteen and his authenticity, and how his personal perceptions of things are so important, but he never seemed that concerned with MY feelings about things like melody or harmony or musicianship (though the relentless humor of Pink Cadillac excused a multitude of sins).

Posted by Crid at May 3, 2006 12:09 AM

Abso-friggin-lutely.

I don't hate Bruuce, I've just never found him to be that interesting. Then there's a large portion of the male population around my age who think cool is listening to either Bruuuce or Sinatra while smoking cigars. These are the same people who insulted swing and jump blues (this country's greatest musical achievement) with the creation of a martini-swilling, Squirrel Nut Zipper-listening kindergarten version of a martini culture.

Indisbutable, inarguable, facts:

• Young Sinatra is better than old Sinatra, but he was a better actor than singer.
  
• Dean Martin kicks Sinatra's ass and if you think Dean Martin is just a guy holding a drink, you're a punk.
  
• Mixing alcohol with other alcohol, or God forbid, with something nonalcoholic should only be done on the beach and must include a tiny umbrella as a sign you are drinking satirically (or if making a fashion statement--sartorially).
  
• Otherwise, it just looks like you don't like the taste of alcohol and are trying to fit in to be cool.
  
• There is nothing wrong with not liking alcohol. Unapologetically drinking cranberry juice out of a sippy cup is more cool than putting juice in vodka.
  
• Putting olive or onions in a drink? This isn't a salad bar.
  
• Nothing more uncool than trying to fit in. Relax and just be.
  
• I'm sure someone somewhere has written a scholarly paper on the phallic and racially oppressive nature of cigar smoking.
  
• Nothing Bruuuuce wrote is anymore meaningful or heartfelt than anything Styx wrote. Except for Mr. Roboto; I don't think even Bruuuuuce has done anything as horrible as that. But I'll stack Pieces of Eight up against any Bruuuuuuce album. Just look at Blue Collar Man:
  

  Give me a job, give me security
  Give me a chance to survive
  I'm just a poor soul in the unemployment line
  My God, I'm hardly alive
  My mother and father, my wife and my friends
  I see them laugh in my face
  But I've got the power, and I've got the will
  I'm not a charity case

  
  Get Courtney Cox dancing on stage and that shit is the national anthem. And it gets bonus points for not having Bruuuuuuuce's signature "i really need to add more roughage to my diet" grunting.

And besides, Bruuuuuuuuce never did anything as meaningful and artistic as Little Steven's Sun City. Without the backing of the E Street Band, Bruuuuuuuuuce would've been just another struggling Dylan-wannabe troubedour lost in the archives of some local Jersey label that went bankrupt in 1977.

Twenty songs from 1985

Wherein More Details are available


Ah, the year Sheena Easton becomes a scuzzy Prince skank. I’ve waffled on Madonna over the years. Finally concluded her early releases are decent. Like a Virgin is a witty song, but she lost me when she tried to sing in Dick Tracy. Stephen Sondheim did the music and that role should have gone to Bernadette Peters. End. Of. Discussion.

No idea who I saw in concert. Lots of local bands like the Wallets and Urban Guerillas, plus just hanging out at First Avenue or Duffys. Ended up with some seriously effed up roommates and I consider myself lucky not to have been the innocent bystander gunned down during a drug raid.

I never like Born in the USA and I've never been much of a Springsteen fan. Just throwing that out there.

Grade: C

Bad songs = crossed out
Great songs = bold

1985
1. Careless Whisper, Wham!
2. Like A Virgin, Madonna
3. Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go, Wham!
4. I Want To Know What Love Is, Foreigner
5. I Feel For You, Chaka Khan
6. Out Of Touch, Daryl Hall and John Oates
7. Everybody Wants To Rule The World, Tears For Fears
8. Money For Nothing, Dire Straits
9. Crazy For You, Madonna
10. Take On Me, A-Ha
91. Jungle Of Love, The Time
92. Born In The USA, Bruce Springsteen
93. Private Dancer, Tina Turner
94. Who's Zoomin' Who, Aretha Franklin
95. Fortress Around Your Heart, Sting
96. Penny Lover, Lionel Richie
97. All She Wants To Do Is Dance, Don Henley
98. Dress You Up, Madonna
99. Sentimental Street, Night Ranger
100. Sugar Walls, Sheena Easton