Wednesday, December 06, 2006

If soul music is foreplay then funk is breaking the bed frame and cracking the downstair neighbor's ceiling plaster

Wherein for some of my favorite funk, see Poets of Rhythm and especially In the Raw, by the Whitefield Brothers

XWL is working on systems of measurements. For example: all comedians should be judged in milli-Pryors. That is what part of 1000 do they represent on the Pryor scale, with Richard Pryor being one, and all other comedians being a pale imitation that can only be measured in milli-Pryors. He then proposes that funkiness be measured against George Clinton. Sounds sensible enough; however as The Funk has the ability to take over one's body and then commit acts not normally discussed in polite company, I think a scale better representative of this power might be in order. For radiation there's the roentgen, which measures the lethalness of exposure time. Perhaps we could develop something called a "Pfunktgen" to anaylze the effects of prolonged exposure to extreme funk.

But that doesn't sound entirely correct. When I think lethalness I'm thinking along the lines of Barney or Michael Bolton. Exposure to either has been scientifically proven to cause brain clouds, so The Child is not allowed to listen to either. Even though Funk can be harmful if used on the wrong people or in the wrong situations, I think we're looking at an apples and oranges comparison. Some people are allergic to penicillin, but that doesn't mean we compare it the bubonic plague.

The concept does need some attention to detail. Until then, it is good to remember that not everyone is prepared for the power of funk. See Mothership Accidentally Descends On Hootie Concert:
The man who came out of the spaceship attempted to shoot me with something he called a 'Bop Gun,'" lead singer Darius Rucker told reporters. "Somehow I sensed it would be detrimental to my career as a singer."

Added a visibly distressed Rucker: "He also seemed to imply that if I let my mind go free, something would happen to my bottom."

Go read for a classic punchline.


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