Condensed, not autosummarized

Wherein @ Bookslut



The Guardian condenses six banned books. I liked the Harry Potter and this one:

"Everything is for the best in the best of all possible worlds," said the court philosopher, Pangloss. "I do hope so," replied Candide, "because I've just been banished for kissing his Lordship's daughter, Cunegonde."
Candide wandered aimlessly for a while before being conscripted into the Bulgar army where he was flogged mercilessly for being complicit in political satire. Never mind, he thought, I can always hook up with a deformed beggar in Holland.
"I'm not a deformed beggar," said Pangloss. "I'm Pangloss. I've just got tertiary syphilis. But it could be worse, I could have been killed by the Bulgars like Cunegonde."
"I wasn't killed actually," Cunegonde chipped in when Candide arrived in Lisbon. "I was just raped a bit and now I'm a sex slave of the Inquisition."
"That's good news," Candide replied. "How about we go off to El Dorado in search of countless other disasters the Americans will hate."
"OK," she said, "Just don't blame me if I've turned hideously ugly by the end of the book."
"No worries. By then I'll be more interested in gardening than shagging".