Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Jesus was made of crackers?

Wherein (1) I remember that the Cathedral of St. Paul has a tap for "Holy Water for home use" and I find that humorous. Wherein (2) I will not recount the time I attended the blessing of the holy water with a friend from the seminary and skipped the communion because we'd had quite enough to drink

Caught a South Park episode last night I hadn't seen before: Do The Handicapped Go To Hell? Brilliant as always and perfectly captured the difficulty of trying to explain religion to children:

Sister Anne: It doesn't matter, because we are all born with Original Sin. Now, let me explain how Communion works. [brings out a golden dish with round wafers on it] The priest will give you this round cracker, [lifts up and displays a wafer] and he will say, "The Body of Christ," and then you eat it. [silence]

Cartman: Jesus was made of crackers?

Sister Anne: No.

Stan: But crackers are his body.

Sister Anne: Yes.

Kenny: (What?!)

Sister Anne: In the Book of Mark, Jesus distributed bread and said, "eat this, for it is my body."

Cartman: So we won't go to hell as long as we eat crackers.

Sister Anne: No no no no!

Butters: Uh well, what are we eatin' then?

Sister Anne: The Body of Christ! [confused faces all around]

Stan: No no no, I get it. Jesus wanted us to eat him, but he didn't want us to be cannibals, so he turned himself into crackers, and then told people to eat him.

Sister Anne: No!

Stan: No??

Butters: Huh - I can't whistle if I eat too many crackers.

Sister Anne: Look: all you have to know is that when the priest gives you the cracker, you eat it! Okay?!

Kenny, Stan, Cartman: O-kay.

Sister Anne: And then, you will drink a very small amount of wine, for that is the Blood of Christ.

Cartman: Aw, come on now, this is just getting silly!

Sister Anne: Eric, do you wanna go to hell?!

Cartman: No!

Sister Anne: Then stop questioning me.

Cartman: But now we can have Communion and not go to hell, right?

Sister Anne: No. Because before you can take your first Communion, you have to have your first Confession.


Anonymous amy said...

That pretty much sounds like the Catholic catechism classes I went to before I got kicked out of the classes when I was 13.

What can I say? I was precocious.

2/01/2006 02:50:00 PM  

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