Friday, March 24, 2006

As long as it's organic, I'm fine with it. Can we chalk it up to ashes to ashes, dust to dust, that sort of thing?

Wherein a fight to death among heavy smokers and pasty vegans could be interesting. The smokers would be easy to catch, but I don't think the vegans would be strong enough to do any serious damage.

Waiter Rant heads to the health food store and realizes crazy customers are everywhere:
You know, this may be a health food store but many of the customers look pasty, thin, and weak – the very opposite of healthy. Some of them look like they’re five minutes from fertilizing one of those local organic farms.

I contrast the Soy People with the sleek carnivorous Yuppies who patronize my Bistro. In my little free associative rumination I compare them to Hitler and Stalin. Ideologically one guy was on the right and the other was on the left. But both men ended up dragging their people to the same hellish place. Unbridled free marketism versus dyspeptic utopianism. Ugh. It’s all the same shit in the end.

That, of course, is terribly unfair. There are nice Soy People just like there’s nice Yuppies. But I can’t help but notice how entitlement and self righteous certitude afflicts both groups.

4 Comments:

Blogger Icepick said...

The smokers would be easy to catch....

Not so fast there, Bill! Remember Frederick S. Biletnikoff.

3/24/2006 02:29:00 PM  
Blogger bill said...

Football player, right? He was a smoker?

3/24/2006 03:31:00 PM  
Blogger bill said...

I’m basically cribbing from Bill Hicks:

Cigarettes didn’t kill me, a bunch of nonsmokers kicked the sh*t out of me. I tried to run, they had more energy than I. I tried to hide, they heard me wheezing. Many of them smelled me. …sniff sniff - There he is, get’em - wheeze wheeze… He’s hardly moving, this is pathetic.

3/24/2006 03:49:00 PM  
Blogger Icepick said...

Yeah, Fred was a wide receiver for the Oakland Raiders back in the day. He played pro football from 1965 to 1978, and was good enough to get in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. The is also a college award named after him that is given to the most outstanding receiver in the country each year.

He was also a notorious smokestack, who smoked cigarettes on the sidelines during the games. By the end of a game, there would be a pile of cigarettes where he stood on the sideline. I seem to remember that he would smoke one or two PACKS during a game, but memory may be failing me on that. He did smoke a lot during games, though. In the 1980s, he also did a spoof comercial on Saturday Night Live for The Lung Brush, a device used to clear smokers lungs.

3/24/2006 04:31:00 PM  

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