Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Bill and American Idol

So, tonight we learn the winner of this season's American Idol.

Bill has been pulling for Katharine McPhee. He constructed an AI shrine in his cube back in March and has been praying at it ever since. He has made a few voodoo sacrifices and keeps a some odd-smelling talismans on the altar at all times. I think he is freaking nuts, but I don't question these kind of things.

He really put a lot of effort into constructing the altar and shrine combo. He used up all the colored ink in the laser printer here at work printing out pictures of Katharine. He then decoupaged the sides of the shrine with pictures of her. He draped the small altar with flowing layers of chiffon, glitter and his Bedazzler. He has had Nag Champa incense and prayer candles burning since the top 10 competition began. He even got some small portable iPod speakers to play Katharine's songs over and over again. Everyday, he brings in fresh flowers to put on the altar of the shrine.

Initially, I thought this American Idol obsession was just a little strange, but nothing too serious. Around the office, we would just nod and smile when Bill started rehashing the previous night's episode. But soon, as with most things involving Bill, it rapidly spiraled out of control.

Last week, Bill was discussing AI with some folks in the break room at lunch time. Miranda from Marketing was telling Bill that she thought Katharine should have been kicked off instead of Chris Daughtry. Bill emitted a nervous laugh and said surely she must be mistaken. Miranda stood by her opinion and went own to say that Katharine was no different than Britney Spear or Christina Aguilera or Jessica Simpson.

That's when it got ugly.

Bill grabbed the nearest weapon: a spork. He then jammed it into Miranda's eye socket. Miranda fell to the floor screaming as the rest of us watched in horror as the ramifications of what happened hit us:

Bill sporked her in the eye!

Now you know the real reason I am guest blogging. Bill is in a twelve step program for his American Idol obsession. Please pray for Bill and his speedy recovery. We miss him terribly around the office. Well, except for Miranda, but even she isn't too angry because the eyepatch she is sporting is rather dashing.


Blogger XWL said...

I appreciate all the insight into the "real" Bill.

He hides this side of himself when he posts here.

Keep up the good work.

(and thanks for convincing me never to invite a guest blogger at my site)

5/24/2006 05:17:00 PM  
Blogger reader_iam said...

That Bill. Wrong yet again.

vh: tsappce

I note the word "sap" buried in there.

5/24/2006 10:41:00 PM  

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