Friday, May 26, 2006

Ten things you probably didn't know about Bill

1. His MySpace account has a hot pink background and the song "Three Times a Lady" by the Commodores playing on it. His font of choice is Comic Sans.

2. He has never seen a single episode of Lost. He writes his reviews based off what he reads on the Television Without Pity forums.

3. He wanted to be just like Liberace when he grew up.

4. I am pretty sure he killed his pet cat and sold it to the Korean restaurant down the street. He then told his kid that Fluffy was participating in a foreign exchange program.

5. He only knows how to cook pasta using the Pasta Express.

6. He once beat up a mime because he wouldn't talk to him.

7. He used to broadcast pirate radio transmissions in French during our time in Guatemala.

8. At the corporate picnic last summer, he lip-synched "Mr. Roboto" by Styx.

9. He cried when Reuben beat out Clay Aiken on American Idol.

10. He suffers from triskaidekaphobia and paraskavedekatriaphobia.


Blogger Icepick said...

Number 6 is perfectly understandable. Number 7 is a little weird, but hey, pirate radio! ("Once again, your stupidity has killed us!")

Regarding Number 4: I heard the cat had it coming. He was a stooly for the cops. (I hear the son found the collar in some take-out. Rumor has it that Bill said, "It's a Korean message. It says 'Tonight, Fluffy sleeps with the Gim-Bop.'" )

But Number 9 is simply unforgivable. The fiend!

5/26/2006 09:41:00 AM  
Blogger Icepick said...

Excuse me, I mean Number 8 is unforgivable. Number 9 is simply pathetic.

5/26/2006 09:43:00 AM  
Blogger reader_iam said...

'Pick, I have a confession: All those times that I brought up Styx just to irritate you or yank your chain?

Bill put me up to it: You have no idea how that man can spam your inbox when he gets on a burr on his tail. Plus, he threatened to hack into our mail and other servers if I didn't comply, and I believe he could do it!

That's not all: He's a blackmailer. Do you know that he not only had the nerve, months ago, to google in an attempt to figure out the name of one of my husband's band and had the gall to be successful? Didn't 'fess up to it, either, 'til it served his nefarious purposes.

That Bill. No freakin' good at all.


5/26/2006 10:02:00 AM  
Blogger reader_iam said...

He's also mean. He knows full well that my husband is vegetarian, and yet he sends restaurant recommendations for when DH is in Atlanta that include places offering such offensive atrocities as liver milkshakes.

And he sends gross pictures of slaughterhouses just to make his point. Seems to think he's being subtle and subversive, on top of it. DH is threatening to take away my e-mail privileges, but does Bill care? No.


5/26/2006 10:06:00 AM  
Blogger reader_iam said...

Worst of all, he agrees with Pooh, of all people, on steroid use.

Must be because taking those things are the only way he can make himself appear "manly." I've never laid eyes on the man myself, but you have, Amy.

Tell us: Is it working?

5/26/2006 10:08:00 AM  
Blogger reader_iam said...

By the way, Bill is really way, way to the left of Pooh. You should see his offline e-mails on politics and other bloggers. Vicious.

5/26/2006 10:13:00 AM  
Blogger Icepick said...

Bill is really way, way to the left of Pooh.

But Pooh is a Commie pinko. What's to the left of THAT?!

And I will have to ponder these other evils.

5/26/2006 10:22:00 AM  
Blogger reader_iam said...

Ooh, forgot something. You know all those interminable Neal Stephenson excerpts? I daren't be explicit it here, but do you think he tortures us with all that text just because he actually likes the guy?


5/26/2006 10:30:00 AM  
Blogger amy said...

Reader_jam, his Man Card was revoked due the day he showed up in the office dressed up as Liza Minnelli for Halloween.

Ugh, I feel nauseous all over again thinking about it.

5/26/2006 10:31:00 AM  
Blogger reader_iam said...

I wouldn't call Pooh a Commie-pinko. Bill's another story.

5/26/2006 11:07:00 AM  
Blogger reader_iam said...

Amy, tell me he didn't sing. Please?

He did quote the lyrics of "People Who Need People" to me once, so I know he's a Streisand fan. (Full-disclosure: I like early Streisand as an artist and even her later broadway album, so shoot me. But I that wasn't Bill's point.)

5/26/2006 11:11:00 AM  
Blogger Pooh said...

I hate commies, and I hate pink. (Though Pink is both hot and can sing. Bill would probably root for her on Mercan Idle.)

5/26/2006 11:50:00 AM  
Blogger rcommal said...

Oh, by the way, 'Pick, it's "stoolie," not "stooly."

At that time, I wasn't bitchy enough to be picky about that sort of thing.

However, I sure am now.

; )

9/18/2017 04:31:00 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home