Updating "Point Break"

Wherein what if was released in 2011 and not 1991


Really? This movie is almost twenty years old? That sucks. The first change we need to make is to update Pappas (Gary Busey) from a Vietnam vet to a Gulf War vet. Simple. For the biggest change I'll excerpt part of the script and highlight my changes in red.

Let's cut to the end of the football game at the beach:

The other surfers run up. Who's this newcomer that just
centerpunched their main man? Industrial strength tension.

ROACH
The fuck you doin' man?! You
fuckin' crazy?

Bodhi flashes a million dollar smile.

BODHI
Chill, brah. You know who this is?
Johnny Utah. Ohio State, all-
conference.
(to Utah)
Rose Bowl three years ago. Right?

Johnny nods. Tyler looks at him -- no shit?

ROACH
Johnny fuckin' Utah! Fuckin'-A!
Yeah, I remember that game, man.
You were on-fire. They could not
stop your ass.

GROMMET
Radical! Head-butt, dude!!

Johnny gestures "Please no".
Enthused by the concept, Grommet turns to Nathaniel.

GROMMET
Head-butt!!!

They do. Their foreheads CRACK together. They stumble
backwards in giddy euphoria. Nathaniel laughs like Pee
Wee Herman.

BODHI
Something happened. You got nuked
in the last quarter.

UTAH
Yeah, my knee got folded about 90
degrees the wrong way.

BODHI
And that's why you never went pro?

UTAH
Two years of surgery. I missed my
window. Limped through law school
instead.

BODHI
Mmm. A lawyer, huh?
(like it's a disease)
Too bad. But at least you're
surfing now. So your life's not
over yet, right?

UTAH
Not yet.

CUT TO:

At the bonfire, later that night. Roach is looking at his iPhone.

ROACH
Hey, Bodhi.

BODHI
Yeah, Roach.

ROACH
According to his wiki page, Johnny Utah joined the FBI after graduating from law school.

EVERYONE STARES AT UTAH

CUT TO:

INT. FEDERAL BUILDING - 16TH FLOOR - DAY
FBI agents are watching the morning news.

TV BROADCAST
An unidentified surfer washed up on shore this morning. Authorities are calling it an accidental drowning.

CLOSE UP OF A DEAD AND WATERLOGGED UTAH.

Lame title

Wherein lamer digression


1. butterflies; also Appendixes H-J of the Kama Sutra
2. Woody Allen
3. no clue
4. Rooster
5. oh, the Rangers
6. no clue
7. All are more interesting than Bruuuuuce Springsteen. But he said "unusual distinction," so I withdraw my answer.

Late trivia

Wherein just didn't get around to posting the previous two weeks


1. That show about women and shoes and sex and cities. I never saw it.
2. goats
3. unobtanium
4. Oklahoma and Missouri
5. South Africa
6. Richard Petty
7. something about a mop bucket left on the stairs


BONUS TRIVIA

What slightly unusual distinction do Patrick McGoohan, Dean Jones, Ken Berry, and Drew Barrymore share? Topic is movies

What do these guys have in common: Urban Dance Squad, Robyn Hitchcock, Louis Prima, Warren Zevon? Topic is song titles