Tuesday, September 28, 2010

You know who else made lists?

Wherein it is highly unlikely that I will ever listen to Tori Amos before a wrestling match again

Searching Google News for you know who else. Here's a few:

  • And you know who else acted the same way?
  • You know who else has to pass a knowledge test to do their jobs?
  • Do you know who else loves Nicole Lee?
  • You know who else is here?
  • You know who else is from Alabama?
  • You know who else wears Cutters?
  • You know who else is fired up?
  • You know who else is all about the Lohans?
  • You know who else this could describe?
  • You know who else you can click “them keys” and find online?
  • You know who else is happy?
  • You know who else is doing better than Favre, Brees, and Brady?
  • You know who else used to believe in this kind of football?
  • you know who else wants you to look pretty?
  • You know who else passed laws against smoking to protect people's health?*
  • You know who else could've gone without the hysteria of Johnson's woulda-shoulda-coulda TD?
  • You know who else should be mad about this “incident”?
  • You know who else was once a two-star recruit?
  • You know who else agrees with us?
  • You know who else are really a bunch of POSEURS?
  • You know who else won five national collegiate POY awards?
  • You know who else was an "AMC" fan back then?
  • You know who else did that?
  • You know who else needs experience?
  • You know who else fits that criteria?
  • You know who else wants you packed uncomfortably together like sardines?
  • You know who else is a pretty good runner?
  • You know who else voted for that 9 billion dollars in pork barrel spending?
  • And you know who else feels scared?
  • Do you know who else posed for Playboy?
  • you know who else liked oatmeal!
  • You know who else isn't afraid and daring things to be difficult?
  • You know who else was calm and collected?
  • you know who else you get to face tonight?
  • You know who else wanted to outlaw a religion and “shut down” places of worship?
  • you know who else was the “next fashion icon”?
  • You know who else is guilty of procrastinating?
  • You know who else wouldn't lie in that situation?*
  • You know who else likes "level playing fields"?

*Hitler was the correct answer; so only two correct for me.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

A haiku

Wherein at least 30 minutes spent determining that the serial number was not actually the serial number No the serial number was labeled the product key number Yeah that all made a fuckload of sense

Customer service?

For the love of god hurry

I have to pee. Bad.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Great song, great album

Wherein And your sister is just mad because TKD is one-step away from being ballet in loose clothes

Rob Sheffield:
6.) New Sensations, Lou Reed. For years, I cherished this song for one of my all-time-favorite Lou Reed couplets: “I wanna press the buzzer for time to snooze / I wanna eradicate my negative views.” What a perfect clash of mundane detail and grandiosely poetic resolution. Then, for some stupid reason, I actually read the lyric sheet that came with the album. It’s not “I wanna press the buzzer for time to snooze.” It’s “I want the principle of a timeless muse.” Lyric sheets are evil.

That's one lyric I always heard correctly. Maybe I read the lyrics sheet early on. Anyway, this song is full of great couplets and triplets. Doubling up on the one Rob mentions:
I want the principles of a timeless muse
I want to eradicate my negative views
And get rid of those people who are always on a down

It's easy enough to tell what is wrong
but that's not what I want to hear all night long
Some people are like human Tuinals

I'm a huge fan of the "human Tuinals" line. But I think I'll go with the opening for my favorite lines of the song and of the album:
I don't like guilt be it stoned or stupid
drunk and disorderly I ain't no cupid
Two years ago today I was arrested on Christmas Eve

I don't want pain, I want to walk not be carried
I don't want to give it up, I want to stay married
I ain't no dog tied to a parked car

This is an album I've tried off and on to write about for a couple years...nothing worked. What I can boil it down to for me is this is a survivor's tale. Cheerful, whimsical, not too regretful, and often defiant. It's someone who is lucky to be alive and is at peace with the choices he's made. If this is storytelling on Reed's part or autobiographical songwriting, I've never bothered to take a look at his life to find out. I just play the music and sing along.

Did I mention defiant? The track Fly Into the Sun is probably the best example of that:
The earth is weeping, the sky is shaking
the stars split to their core
And every proton and unnamed neutron
is fusing in my bones

And an unnamed mammal is darkly rising
as man burns from his tomb
And I look at this as a blissful moment
to fly into the sun

I like that -- it's all sciencey.

Monday, September 13, 2010

A lot of what people "know" is nonsense, and the rules based on that knowledge are fetters and hobbles

Wherein near as I can tell the exact phrase fetters and hobbles traces back to the 1933 Winston Churchill book about the Duke of Marlborough and Churchill might be referencing the Iliad

Bill James, America, Fuck Yeah:
I myself am a stubborn, sometimes arrogant person who refuses to obey some of the rules that everybody else follows. I pay no attention to the rules of grammar. I write fragments if I goddamned well feel like it. I refuse to follow many of the principles of proper research that are agreed upon by the rest of the academic world. An editor said to me last year, "Well, you've earned the right to do things your own way." Bullshit; I was that way when I was 25. It has to do with following the rules that make sense to me and ignoring the ones that don't. It doesn't make me a bad person; it makes me who I am.

Of course he is

Wherein filed under possible first lines for future novel

Personally, the nonexploding variety scares me.
Katz, a long term HIV/AIDS survivor who lives on a queer intentional community in Tennessee, is a "fermentation fetishist."

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Another year, another audition

Wherein now up to 5 hours of dance lessons a week

In The Child's first ballet class there was this shy 12-year old student assistant. This fall she was accepted as an apprentice with the San Francisco Ballet.

Clips from the San Francisco Ballet's version of The Nutcracker.

Friday, September 10, 2010


Wherein So

Recognize this documentary?
This is really wonderful. If we go along with you and lie our asses off, the world of truth and ideals is, er, protected. But if we don't want to take part in some giant rip-off of yours then somehow or other we're managing to ruin the country. You're pretty good, Jim. I'll give you that.

Ok, how about this one:
The Taxman: You just docked.

Consumer: I has.

The Taxman: Ah ha, let's see here, that'll be 25 cents docking tax.

Consumer: What for?

The Taxman: Where's your sea craft?

Consumer: It ain't no sea craft, it's me dinghy and it's under the wharf.

The Taxman: Ah ha. aah-ha. This your goods?

Consumer: They is.

The Taxman: Yeah. You're new in town right?

Consumer: If you call this a town, yes.

The Taxman: Well, first of all, there's 17 cents new in town tax, and there's 45 cents rowboat-under-the-wharf tax, and one dollar leaving-your-junk-lying-around-the-wharf tax, so all together, you owe the Commodore $1.87.

Consumer: Uh, who's this Commodore?

The Taxman: Is the nature of question? There's a nickel question tax.



Just a drummer looking for a guitar player. His needs are few, but exact.

Thursday, September 09, 2010

I am the man

Wherein ask the birds


Wherein Slate asks How many uses are there for a dead body but comes no where close to answering the question

  1. Science
  2. Fertilizer
  3. Sex
  4. Food
  5. Souvenirs

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

The Norcal margarita...better drinking with science!

Wherein I'll be drinking this while reading Robb Wolf's book at and on the beach

Robb Wolf has discussed his margarita in his podcast, but for the full recipe and scientificated breakdown go here.

This drink is wonderful, for a few reasons:
  1. Tequila is delicous.
  2. Tequila is fermented agave juice, which makes it gluten- or and starch-free. Gluten, as nutrition geeks know, is a gut irritant and just generally bad stuff, and starches are way too dense with unnecessary carbs. Rum could likewise work well here.
  3. Lime juice blunts the insulin response of the alcohol, maintaining your precious and hard-earned insulin sensitivity.

Or watch Robb Wolf explain it

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Only one damn chapter in

Wherein fan hate

Made the mistake of checking out the forums for the Mongoliad and people are already trying to figure out who is the Enoch Root character. Gah, must stop reading gooberish rantings of hyperfans. Browncoats almost ruined Serenity, these guys are bound to destroy something before it has a chance to actually become something.

Wait, AOL still exists?

Wherein I premorsed an entire company

AOL was always kinda dumb:
Final Count: KFC 24 vs. Popeyes 9

Sunday, September 05, 2010

When our story comes to be told we do not know who will have the telling of it

Wherein 5:30am Sunday morning and I'm drinking Darjeeling tea eating strawberry pineapple pie and reading Kipling

Rudyard Kipling
There is an ancient legend which tells us that when a man first achieved a most notable deed he wished to explain to his Tribe what he had done. As soon as he began to speak, however, he was smitten with dumbness, he lacked words, and sat down. Then there arose—according to the story—a masterless man, one who had taken no part in the action of his fellow, who had no special virtues, but who was afflicted—that is the phrase—with the magic of the necessary word. He saw; he told; he described the merits of the notable deed in such a fashion, we are assured, that the words “became alive and walked up and down in the hearts of all his hearers”. Thereupon, the Tribe seeing that the words were certainly alive, and fearing lest the man with the words would hand down untrue tales about them to their children, took and killed him. But, later, they saw that the magic was in the words, not in the man.

We have progressed in many directions since the time of this early and destructive criticism, but, so far, we do not seem to have found a sufficient substitute for the necessary word as the final record to which all achievement must look. Even to-day, when all is done, those who have done it must wait until all has been said by the masterless man with the words. It is certain that the overwhelming bulk of those words will perish in the future as they have perished in the past; but it is true that a minute fraction will continue to exist, and by the light of these words, and by that light only, will our children be able to judge of the phases of our generation. Now we desire beyond all things to stand well with our children; but when our story comes to be told we do not know who will have the telling of it. We are too close to the tellers; there are many tellers and they are all talking together; and, even if we know them, we must not kill them. But the old and terrible instinct which taught our ancestors to kill the original story-teller warns us that we shall not be far wrong if we challenge any man who shows signs of being afflicted with the magic of the necessary word. May not this be the reason why, without any special legislation on its behalf, Literature has always stood a little outside the law as the one calling that is absolutely free — free in the sense that it needs no protection? For instance, if, as occasionally happens, a Judge makes a bad law, or a surgeon a bad operation, or a manufacturer makes bad food, criticism upon their actions is by law and custom confined to comparatively narrow limits. But if a man, as occasionally happens, makes a book, there is no limit to the criticism that may be directed against it. And this is perfectly as it should be. The world recognises that little things like bad law, bad surgery, and bad food, affect only the cheapest commodity that we know about—human life. Therefore, in these circumstances, men can afford to be swayed by pity for the offender, by interest in his family, by fear, or loyalty, or respect for the organisation he represents, or even by a desire to do him justice. But when the question is of words—words that may become alive and walk up and down in the hearts of the hearers—it is then that this world of ours, which is disposed to take an interest in its future, feels instinctively that it is better that a thousand innocent people should be punished rather than that one guilty word should be preserved, carrying that which is an untrue tale of the Tribe. The chances, of course, are almost astronomically remote that any given tale will survive for so long as it takes an oak to grow to timber size. But that guiding instinct warns us not to trust to chance a matter of the supremest concern. In this durable record, if anything short of indisputable and undistilled truth be seen there, we all feel, “How shall our achievements profit us?” The Record of the Tribe is its enduring literature.

The magic of Literature lies in the words, and not in any man. Witness, a thousand excellent, strenuous words can leave us quite cold or put us to sleep, whereas a bare half-hundred words breathed upon by some man in his agony, or in his exaltation, or in his idleness, ten generations ago, can still lead whole nations into and out of captivity, can open to us the doors of the three worlds, or stir us so intolerably that we can scarcely abide to look at our own souls. It is a miracle—one that happens very seldom. But secretly each one of the masterless men with the words has hope, or has had hope, that the miracle may be wrought again through him.

Speech at Royal Academy Dinner, May 6, 1906

Saturday, September 04, 2010

That's cool...whatever

Wherein repeat multiple times a day

I am sick and tired of Betty White being on my TV

Wherein that is all

She isn't funny, never was funny. Wasn't funny on Saturday Night Live, wasn't funny on Golden Girls (in her defense, neither was anyone else), wasn't funny on Mary Tyler Moore, wasn't funny on Password.